husband’s employee’s wife called me to complain, 2 employees don’t get along, and more

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. The wife of my husband’s employee called me to complain about a work trip

The wife of one of my husband’s employees called me to complain about a one-night trip he’s taking for a meeting with a client. This employee doesn’t work overtime and has only been out of town three times since working for us in the last nine years.

We started my husband’s architecture company 20 years ago and have built it from the ground up to nine employees. The employee has been with the company for nine years and in that time has only been away from his family due to work three times.

We live in a very small town, and they attend our church. The employee graduated from high school locally and interned with my husband’s company before he was hired. The church connection is awkward for me. The phone call has made it even more awkward.

My husband hasn’t addressed her phone call to me with his employee. Please advise.

I don’t know what you said when the employee’s wife called you, but ideally it was something like, “This isn’t something I’m involved with — it’s something Employee would need to discuss with Boss directly.” If the spouse of an employee ever calls you again, that’s the language you should use: explain it would be inappropriate for you to discuss employment issues with someone other than the employee themselves.

Your husband doesn’t have to raise it with the employee now, but it would probably be smart for him to say, “Clarissa told me Tangerina called her with concerns about our upcoming client trip. Is there anything we should discuss?” … and then depending on how that conversation goes, he might also say, “If you ever have a concern about something like this, please come to me directly. It put Clarissa in an awkward position since we can’t discuss employment issues with anyone other than the employee.”

Related:
why can’t you contact your spouse’s employer to advocate for them?

2. Two employees with different work styles can’t get along

I work as a manager in a health care setting where my team fields referrals from various sources for a specific service. We get 50-60 referrals a day and have a few admin staff who do data entry and info gathering, then it goes to professional staff who determine the clinical needs and complete it.

Two of those professional staff, Sue and Carol, have been here for many years. Carol works very quickly and will often complete upwards of 25 referrals in a day. Sue is slower, doing more like 10-15 per day. However, when we complete our monthly audits, Carol always has about three times the errors we need to go back to fix (but never a concern that negatively impacted patient care). They both complain about the other. Carol thinks Sue is way too slow and intentionally leaving work undone and that Carol has to pick up her slack. Sue feels that Carol is too careless and is frustrated when she has to correct her errors.

For my part, I don’t think there is a problem with how either of them work and they balance each other out nicely. If everyone worked as slowly as Sue we would need more staff to keep up, but she is continually complimented by patients and the teams we refer to for her attention to detail and the quality of her notes. Carol can churn through referrals quickly and while they may lack the detail, they are adequate and I am not concerned about the errors she makes. I have told them both this, and I have tried strategies like having everyone correct their own errors, but logistically that doesn’t work, and it is only these two that have an issue.

They are professional enough in their interactions with each other, though you can feel the tension at times, and the admin staff have made comments about feeling like they are hanging out with divorced parents. How can I help them see that different people have different styles and I need them to stop complaining to me about the other?

You may or may not be able to get them to accept that people have different styles, but you do have control over the complaining. You can tell them each (separately!) that you’ve heard them out and taken a close look at the work of everyone on the team, and you are happy with the other person’s work and cannot continue to hear complaints about it. You can say that if something changes and an entirely new issue arises, you want to hear about that once (since you don’t want to shut down, for example, a bona fide future harassment complaint) but other than that, they need to accept that they’re working with someone with a different style, and the continuous complaining has become disruptive and needs to stop. If that doesn’t do it, the framing to use may be, “I understand that you’re unhappy with this, but working productively with Carol/Sue is a condition of the job. If you decide you can’t do that, I understand, but while you’re here I need you to find a way to make peace with this.”

I don’t know how significant the tension is that other colleagues are picking up on, but if it’s creating an unpleasant work environment for other people, that needs to stop too (and this letter about a similar situation has some advice you could use for that).

3. How to be honest about the job market to grad students

My full-time job is in the cultural heritage sector, and I also adjunct in the graduate program I got my degree from. It’s really rewarding and has made my own practice better. One of my favorite parts of adjuncting is the students — it’s a growing program with lots of enthusiasm from the people who take my course specifically and the program as a whole.

I get a lot of requests from students to talk one-on-one about the state of the field we’re in or how to get a job. Most of these students have taken my class before, so I know them and their work caliber. Almost always, it’s a person who is extremely smart, capable, and passionate about the field. Unfortunately, our sector has always been competitive, and within our specialization it has traditionally been very difficult to secure full-time, permanent work even in the best of times. Now, with the state of funding, grants, the government, etc., it’s just bleak.

I’m wondering about these conversations I’m having or will have with current students. I feel like it’s my duty to be realistic about expectations after graduation, but I also feel like the world’s biggest jerk saying, “This professional graduate degree that you’ve enrolled in to get a better and more fulfilling career? This class that is preparing you and getting you excited for this specific work? Yeah, it’s a real long shot even with all the qualifications you’ve earned!” I have full-time permanent work (knock wood) mostly due to timing and luck. When I explain this to people, including students, I generally get a knee-jerk response about how I’m a hard and good worker, skilled, and I earned it. But I know all that; I’m not saying I’m not skilled or talented. I’m trying to convey that almost everyone else is, too. It makes for a fun, challenging, and rewarding field once you’re in, but getting in is a heartbreaker and I don’t have a ton of fail-safe advice beyond managing expectations and resume/cover letter advice.

Is this okay? Am I being too sunny, or too harsh? I’m finding it harder to say yes to these kinds of conversations because I leave them feeling awful, and the students do, too. I don’t think the overall program does a great job of communicating that the field is really hard to break into, but I also understand that to lead with that would be to undercut the existence of the program. And the program has many, many graduates employed and doing excellent and cool work! So it’s a balance that’s really tricky to me at the moment, especially.

You should err on the side of honesty. They’re going to figure it out at some point, after all. It’s better for them to get a realistic view of the field earlier rather than later.

That doesn’t mean that you should dump all over their dreams, of course. But you should be realistic with them. You don’t need to say, “Getting a job in this field is like winning the lottery” (assuming the probability is not in fact that low) … but the right framing is probably something like, “The field is extremely competitive, to the point that a lot of very qualified, skilled people struggle to find full-time work in it, so it’s also good to think about adjacent career paths like X and Y.” That last part is important — you’re not just telling them it’s rough out there, but you’re offering advice about what they can do with that information.

4. Should I be negotiating salary before it’s in writing?

I know that typically it is advisable to negotiate salary after a written offer is provided. However, I’ve had multiple situations where I am expected to “accept” a verbal offer before a written one is provided, and then the employer seems surprised and put out when I try to negotiate salary from there because I “already accepted” a verbal offer. Is this normal? Should I be countering verbally before we even get to the written offer stage?

Yes, you should be negotiating salary as soon as they make you an offer, even if it’s not in writing yet. You don’t need to wait for a formal written offer once they’ve told you what they’re offering. In fact, a lot of places will want to do the negotiation before sending over a written offer, so that the written offer summarizes what has been agreed to. (And if they’re getting the impression you agreed and then are backtracking, that’s definitely going to come off strangely.)

5. Does my resume need to say when a job was remote or part-time?

I joined the workforce after graduating undergrad during Covid and struggled with finding entry-level work while the world was shutting down. It doesn’t help that I have an ivory tower philosophy degree!

After taking a few years to focus on my mental health and help support my family through illness, I found my way to LA and struggled to break into the entertainment industry as a writer during the WGA strike. I ended up taking on various unpaid internships and contract script reader work to beef up my resume while attending writing classes and working on my screenwriting portfolio. My internships and script reading gigs were technically designated as part-time on the job descriptions (i.e., three days a week in-office or remote) but I did throw myself into them and, in my opinion, was very dedicated given that I was either not paid or paid below minimum wage.

I have severe OCD, so I tend to overthink fears related to being morally good/honest. My OCD tells me that it is unethical to omit when listing these roles on a resume that I was officially part-time or working remotely or both. However, I’ve seen people say that these labels don’t matter, especially if I’m not listing “full-time, in-person” for other traditional office jobs on my resume. I don’t want to misrepresent myself, but at the same time, I have really struggled on the job market (despite a great GPA) and am well aware that putting the labels wouldn’t help my prospects; I also feel that I gained valuable skills at these jobs and don’t want to completely undersell myself. I am currently seeking employment and am sending out a resume that simply states all job titles and dates worked (month, year). Am I being misleading by leaving out “part-time, remote”?

No. It’s not expected in any way that you will specify that a job was remote, or that it was part-time. Most people don’t list that, and hiring managers don’t assume that you will.

If something was very part-time, like five hours a month, there would be more of an argument for making that clear — but even then, if the work is listed as a bunch of different freelance roles (as it sounds like some of these are), you don’t even need to do that. Lots of freelance work is far from full-time.

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