my boss says it’s unprofessional to ask a coworker for a tampon

A reader writes:

I am not sure how to handle this situation. It has made a couple of coworkers and me uncomfortable and honestly just doesn’t make sense.

Situation: A female coworker was in the bathroom. She started her period that day but didn’t have any feminine hygiene products at work. She texted me, asking if I could bring her a pad or tampon. I grabbed a pad, walked to the staff bathroom, and handed her the pad under the stall wall.

Our boss somehow heard what happened and got very upset. The boss told me that was incredibly unprofessional, she would NEVER give a coworker a feminine hygiene product, and even called a meeting with five other people to discuss me giving a pad to someone. She spent half an hour trying to convince the others that my action was unprofessional, and went so far as to start writing a new workplace policy. She insists that, if someone doesn’t bring a feminine hygiene product into the bathroom when they need it, it is their fault, they deserve to have the mess in their clothes, and they will have to go home to get cleaned up and changed. According to her, it is more professional for that person to leave work to change, than to ask a coworker for a pad or tampon. It is also more professional to ignore a request for a pad or tampon.

I truly do not understand what the problem is. Why is it so bad to give someone a pad? Why is it better for someone to take unplanned time off work in the middle of the day, lose pay, cause us to be short-staffed, and increase the workload and stress of their coworkers? Wouldn’t it be more unprofessional to leave a coworker stranded in the bathroom (causing them stress and embarrassment from stains on their clothes and having to ask to leave work)?

Does this fall under sex discrimination? Or is it just an incredibly out-of-touch boss?

I don’t know how to handle this, especially if she does actually start a workplace policy regarding feminine hygiene products.

You don’t understand what the problem is because the problem is no more and no less than your boss being out of her fricking mind.

It is utterly normal and unremarkable to need a feminine hygiene product and ask a coworker for one. It is utterly normal and unremarkable to share them.

Your boss’s reaction to this — that it is an outrage and she would never give someone a tampon — is outlandish and disconnected from every social and professional norm out there.

Would she also not ask someone to hand her some toilet paper if her stall was out of it? And refuse to give some to someone else if asked?

Your boss has some seriously deep-rooted and punitive issues around menstruation and women’s bodies, and probably around women in general. (You deserve to spend the day in bloody clothes?!)

She also has no clue about how normal people behave.

It’s unlikely there’s anything illegal here (other than that her lack of common sense should be criminal) but this is absurd and offensive.

Is your boss the head of your entire company or does anyone have authority over her? If she’s not the CEO or owner, you should go over her head — to HR if you have it, or to her boss if you don’t — and ask them to shut this down decisively. If she is the owner, you should all just ignore her and, if confronted over your shocking tampon exchanges, tell her that people’s private bathroom behavior isn’t up for discussion.

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