my coworker wants to fire a domestic violence survivor

A reader writes:

Our company works in a building that houses multiple businesses. We share reception and security.

Recently, there was a terrible incident where the ex-boyfriend of one of my employees, Sarah, got into the building by booking a job interview with a different company. He then made a beeline for our office instead, and made a huge scene shouting at Sarah, and even tried to hit her in front of all of us.

Thankfully, security tackled him before he could hurt anyone, and he’s been arrested. We had a security meeting with reception and the other business managers in the building and have agreed to a shared appointment calendar and other precautions to prevent this from happening in the future. I’ve done my best to support Sarah with what she needs to feel safe here, and she seems to be doing well.

The problem is Fred, the other manager in my office. About a week after this incident, I was giving him an update on the steps we were taking in case this man is released and causes further problems. Fred was clearly annoyed and asked me why I didn’t just “solve” the problem by firing Sarah. He went on to claim that Sarah was being unprofessional by “allowing her personal life in the office” and that we were going to a lot of trouble for “just one employee.”

This is not the first time he’s said something insensitive about our employees, but this was by far the most egregious comment. I told him that Sarah had done nothing wrong, and that it was our job to provide a safe work environment. He rolled his eyes and visibly tuned out for the rest of the meeting.

He hasn’t said anything else since that meeting. But I find it increasingly hard to work with him. I’ve been defaulting to email to communicate with him, even though his office is right next to mine, because I feel gross being in the same room with him. I especially feel icky when I see him chatting in a friendly way to Sarah, knowing what he thinks about the situation. It’s bad enough that I briefly considered looking for a new job, but that would mean Fred would temporarily be in charge of my reports. I’m worried he would actually fire Sarah if he could.

How do I address this? I don’t feel like it would be appropriate for me to pull him aside and tell him what I think of his reaction, but I also feel like I’m dropping the ball by not the challenging what he said more directly. Is simply avoiding him as much as possible the most I can do here?

I answer this question over at Inc. today, where I’m revisiting letters that have been buried in the archives here from years ago (and sometimes updating/expanding my answers to them). You can read it here.

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