my employee regularly forgets important details and entire conversations

[ResidentialBusiness]

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager.

A reader writes:

About four months ago I hired a new employee, Arnold. He interviewed very well, and the other interviewers on the panel agreed he was the best candidate. However now I am starting to see some serious gaps in ability. The biggest issue is that Arnold totally forgets entire conversations we’ve had. Some examples:

• I told him in June that he needed to plan the agenda for the team meeting in late July. A few weeks into July, I asked how the agenda was coming, and he said that was the first time he heard about it. I pointed him to our shared notes document from our 1:1 conversation in June where we discussed it.

• I assigned him a report to analyze sales trends over the course of the year. We spent 30 minutes talking about how the company decided to pivot from teapot sales to toaster sales, and this report should provide an update on the outcomes of that strategic sales shift. He turned in his report, which concluded that teapot sales declined and we should investigate why that happened. When I told him we talked about why that happened (a strategic decision by leadership), he said he doesn’t recall hearing that context.

• I assigned Arnold a project to implement a new project management technology that my peer (Dane) had experience working with. I connected Arnold with Dane for him to learn best practices. A few weeks later, I hear from Dane that he is frustrated with Arnold. He says Arnold doesn’t follow his instructions, yet repeatedly asks the same questions, even when Dane has already provided the answer. I have seen screenshots of Slack messages of the same question answered multiple times by Dane in writing.

Am I being gaslit by Arnold, or do you think something else is going on? I’ve even enlisted my manager to set up 1:1s to reinforce important topics with Arnold in case there’s something about my communication style that is not effective. But my manager has had the same experience with him forgetting key topics of conversation. I have other direct reports who are amazing and seem to be thriving, so I’m baffled and frustrated by how much time I am needing to invest in Arnold for mediocre results.

I suspect we are on our way to a performance improvement plan for Arnold, but what exactly can he improve? His memory? How do I coach this kind of behavior?

I doubt he’s gaslighting you and Dane — at least not in the original sense of the word, which means intentionally trying to make you think you’re losing your mind. (It comes from the 1944 movie Gaslight, in which a man tries to make his wife think her grip on reality is slipping away.) I suppose it’s possible that that Arnold is deliberately not bothering to retain anything in the hopes of sowing chaos, but it’s far, far, far more likely that he (a) has a terrible memory, (b) isn’t conscientious enough to take the normal steps people take to retain things, like paying attention in conversations and writing things down, and/or (c) is trying to cover up mistakes by pretending he doesn’t have any memory of previous instructions.

Fortunately, no matter which of these options it is (or even if it’s some other explanation), the solution is the same: Sit down with Arnold, explain there is a pattern of him not retaining information and instructions, and say that he needs to figure out better systems for capturing info so it doesn’t keep happening. Explain that the issue is serious and it’s essential to get it fixed immediately.

Ultimately Arnold needs to figure out what system will work for him, but you should feel free to suggest specific systems that you think would work in his context. The most obvious one is, of course, taking notes, but you might also suggest that he write up summaries of his takeaways after each discussion and email them to you and that he refer back to them every time he works on that project. You also might supplement that on your end by asking him to repeat back his takeaways at the end of each discussion with you. (That can be a pretty useful strategy even for someone who isn’t having trouble remembering details, because often it will bring to the surface some miscommunication that you didn’t realize had happened.)

From there, treat “retaining and applying information” the same way you would any other key performance requirement — meaning that if it keeps happening, you should continue to flag the pattern and move fairly quickly to “since this is crucial to being able to do the job, let’s figure out if we can help you get where you need to be or not” (which in most workplaces will mean a formal improvement plan, but can also just be a couple of serious conversations as long as you’re extremely clear about the potential consequences if the problem continues and the timeline he has for fixing it). In other words, treat it the same way you would if he kept missing deadlines or turning in work with serious mistakes or anything else that goes to the heart of “not doing the job we need done.”

Also, since someone is certain to mention it in the comments: it’s entirely possible that Arnold’s memory is a medical issue. We have no way of knowing whether that’s the case, but you’d proceed the same way regardless (flag the pattern, explain it’s a problem, and ask him to address it). Certainly if he mentions some sort of medical context (like “I’m on a new medication that is affecting my memory’) you’d give him more grace while he actively works on solutions with his doctor … but at the end of the day, no matter what the explanation is, he does need to implement systems to track important details for his job, and you can and should hold him to that regardless of what’s at the root of it.

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