coworker reports small interactions to HR, protecting interns from office drama, and more

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Coworker reports the smallest interactions to HR

I have a new coworker, Fran, who has not been fitting in with the vibe at work. She seems to have very thin skin, and at any perceived slight, will report coworkers or leaders to HR.

Just today, I had an interaction that would have been standard and unmemorable with any other coworker. I was working next to Fran. She asked me a question, and I gave a very calm and direct answer. Fran said she hasn’t performed this particular task before, and to please give her some grace. I didn’t respond, and that was the end of the interaction. Not long after, I was pulled into the office by leadership because Fran had reported that interaction, and I was given a written warning.

This has become a pattern, with multiple of my coworkers reported to leadership or HR by Fran. I want to report to leadership/ HR that Fran is putting the staff on edge because we are all afraid of being reported by her. How do I do this in a way that doesn’t seem like I’m retaliating or picking on her? I’m also worried that my leadership won’t take the issue seriously.

Fran sounds like a pain in the ass, but it’s also true that responding with silence to someone who says “please give me some grace” could read pretty as fairly rude. It’s still absurd that she escalated it, but she sounds like someone where it’s better not to give them any excuse to complain about you; your life will probably be easier if you just make a point of being scrupulously professional.

As for reporting what’s happening to leadership or HR … don’t they know? If Fran is constantly reporting people to leadership or HR, they by definition are aware of it. That said, you could certainly talk to your boss about the chilling effect it’s having on team relations and the fact that it’s hard to work with Fran when you have to worry that innocuous comments will set her off.

2. Protecting interns from office drama

I’m part of the management team of a company of about 300 staff. I have a problem with Trinity, who is on the same team I’m on. I’m not her manager, but I am senior to her (because both her boss, Collins, and I report to the CEO).

There is some drama with Robby, a new senior exec who has joined, and Langdon, who he’s brought onto his team as his right hand. Langdon took over a big project with a really important client — the type of project that my team has spearheaded and has been very successful in managing — and is failing, badly, despite repeated offers of help and support (never even taking our offer to give an initial overview of our experience with these projects). So that’s a whole big problem and I’m trying to keep my head down from the drama, although I expect my CEO to ask for my perspective in the coming days.

But Trinity is a huge gossip. She’s telling everyone and anyone all about her issues with Robby and Langdon, she is openly at our table complaining about them, and whenever she notices anyone talking about it she comes up laughingly and is like, “Haha I wanna know, too, let’s talk,” etc.

In the past, she has rejected feedback from me, so I’ve given it sparingly. The team lead of the team we’re both on, Collins, despite being very competent in most areas and a good friend, doesn’t love giving negative feedback and I know that’s another issue.

But I also have two interns right now, and Trinity is openly gossiping with them around. I’ve asked her to please keep the interns out of the situation, and impressed upon her that I’d recommend we all keep our heads down in this situation, that Robby and Langdon have very senior positions (and political maneuvering skills) and it might backfire massively to talk to so many people about them. She didn’t seem to catch my point. In fact, when I asked her to keep the interns out of it she said, “Oh but with Whitaker I always laugh so much and we have such a good relationship.”

I plan to have a conversation with both interns along the following lines: “It’s my responsibility to show you work norms around tricky things like office politics. I am aware there is currently some office drama, and I want to assure you that none of it will affect our project or you, and want to advise to not take everything flying around at face value and, furthermore, to engage with it as little as possible. If you have any questions, you can always come to me.” Is that the right approach? Is there anything else I should do?

Yes, that’s exactly the right approach. If I were one of the interns, I’d feel reassured that someone was being thoughtful about how we might be experiencing this and letting us know we didn’t need to worry about it.

You should also tell Trinity’s boss, Collins, that you’ve asked her to be more discreet around the interns and she’s just laughed you off. Feel free to say, “Could you tell her that she needs to rein it in?” Since it sounds like Collins is a wimpy manager, she may or may not do that, but it’s a reasonable request to make — and simply making it highlights that there’s a problem she’s currently not dealing with.

3. What are my responsibilities when leaving a problematic team?

I recently took a short-term contract while looking for a permanent role. It is a small, busy team with a high workload. On my first day of work, I was informed that a coworker has stage 4 brain cancer and we needed to be careful about staying away from work when we were sick (generally good advice, and something I read as a green flag).

After a few weeks, it was evident that their illness was worse than initially disclosed. As a result of treatment, they aren’t able to read well and have significant vision impairments, impacted emotional regulation, and poor boundaries, including continually disclosing medical details while at their desk, or using voice-to-text to read medical records aloud. Coworkers were often expected to stop work to help this person do a simple task like re-set a password or find a file, and effectively the team is down one full-time staff member, which means the workload increases for others alongside other support work expectations.

I lost a parent to brain cancer, and decided to end the contract early for my own mental health (I have a new role starting in the next few weeks, and the resources to cover the time off).

In my exit interview, the manager disclosed that other employees have left because of the same issue, and that he is also dealing (secretly) with a brain tumor himself. I think this explains some of the “missing stair” behavior around the unsafe norms in that workplace.

What are my responsibilities here? I recognize there are some personal impacts for me which made the environment difficult, but I do not think it is a safe workplace for anyone.

You don’t have any responsibilities here! You were a short-term contractor, and you’re no longer there. Employees of that team are well positioned to raise it if they want to, but it’s not something you’re responsible for raising, nor do you even really have standing to raise it at this point. The exceptions to this would be if (a) you were brought in by someone higher up there who you had a pre-existing relationship with, in which case you could share with them what your experience was or (b) the issues were related to physical safety. But short of something like that, mentally wish them all well and just focus on moving forward.

4. Firing an employee on April Fools’ Day

Should managers avoid firing/laying off employees on April Fools’ Day so they don’t think it’s a cruel April Fools’ joke?

Managers should avoid being the type of manager where it would ever cross an employee’s mind that they’d fake-fire someone as a cruel joke. If there’s any risk of anyone wondering about that, it’s a sign that something already has gone terribly wrong. (And sure, in those offices they should avoid it — but that’s the least of their problems at that point.)

Related:
when giving good news, my boss first pretends to be upset as a “joke”

5. Will I have to pay back insurance premiums if I don’t return from maternity leave?

Can you walk me through what could happen in the event I don’t return from maternity leave? I plan to use both FMLA and short-term disability. I get 16 weeks off —12 paid (100% pay for the first eight weeks and 60% pay for the last four weeks) and four weeks unpaid. I plan to take my full maternity leave but due to child care costs, I am leaning towards being a stay-at-home mom.

I am on my employer’s insurance plan. Can they demand I repay them for their part of my insurance premiums? How should I go about asking them this?

If you take paid maternity leave and then don’t return, legally you can be responsible for repaying the cost of your health insurance from the period when you were on leave (unless you return for at least 30 days).

Whether or not your company will do that is up to them. Ideally you’d be able to find out for sure by consulting an employee handbook or other written policies, but if you can’t find it there, you could frame the question this way to HR: “I plan to return once my maternity leave is over, but I want to be realistic that people’s plans sometimes change. Can you fill me in on how our policies work both if I do and if I don’t return?”

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