how do I look for a new job without my boss finding out?

A reader writes:

I’m looking for advice on how to pursue a new job discreetly, particularly when the interview process requires multiple rounds and my current workplace has very little flexibility.

I’ve been with my current employer for 10 years. I started here before I even graduated from college, and I’ve grown tremendously. It’s a well-regarded organization with a prestigious name, and I genuinely believe they care about their people.

That said, it’s time for me to leave. I’m no longer challenged, the work doesn’t excite me, and at my site things are fairly old school: no work from home, less vacation than many other employers, no flex hours, and we pay for our own downtown parking. And while my pay is decent for my field, the same role in another industry would pay significantly more with better benefits.

My boss is kind and well-intentioned, but very emotionally invested in me staying. She frequently tells me she never wants me to leave, and I think she would take my departure personally, even if she tried to be supportive. She doesn’t see the lack of flexibility or benefits as an issue and has framed concerns I’ve raised as criticism of the company itself. While I believe she would counteroffer if I resigned, I know it wouldn’t address the bigger picture of flexibility, culture, and work-life balance that I’m seeking.

Recently, I applied for a role that seems to align almost perfectly with what I want right now: a hybrid schedule with three work-from-home days, more time off, family-friendly culture, a roughly 20% pay increase, and more. I was referred by a former colleague who left our industry for similar reasons and has spoken very highly of the culture.

The initial screening went well, but I’m anxious about how to get through the interview process without alerting my current employer. The next steps include a 45-minute video interview, followed by a half-day in-person interview with peers and managers (including a team lunch), and a final meeting with the CEO. My current workplace has little tolerance for time off, even when legitimate, and missed days are noticed and judged. While I have an office and could technically close the door for a video call, I sit directly across from my boss, who keeps close tabs on my day. Thin walls make privacy difficult.

I know I’ll likely need to call in sick at least once, and I’m uncomfortable with lying, but I don’t see another option. Calling off multiple times over several weeks would be highly unusual for me and would almost certainly raise suspicion. My biggest fear is going through all of this, not getting the job, and then returning to a workplace where trust has quietly eroded because leadership assumes I was interviewing elsewhere.

How do people navigate multi-round interview processes when their current job offers so little flexibility? Is it reasonable to protect my own interests, even if it means bending the truth temporarily? And how much risk is simply unavoidable when you’ve outgrown a role but haven’t secured the next one yet?

You can read my answer to this letter at New York Magazine today. Head over there to read it. 

The post how do I look for a new job without my boss finding out? appeared first on Ask a Manager.

View the full article