should I speak up about a management failure, boss questioned using bereavement leave for a funeral, and more

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Should I speak up about a management failure as I’m leaving?

I’m a former teacher who resigned to take on a couple of lower key and much less stressful jobs. One of them is as an assistant at an after-school science club for pre-teens run by a nonprofit. It appealed because I could bring my skills and interact with kids (which I miss) but I had little responsibility or admin hassle. I am supposed to rock up and find everything planned and resourced. I’m a “pair of hands” for the session (and am paid accordingly!).

But the course leader, Meg, is in her first job out of college and not equipped to do the job, so I have had to take on responsibility for making the sessions succeed. She’s enthusiastic, passionate about the topic, and very grateful for my help. But she has absolutely no teaching experience (or experience working with kids) and her bosses seem to have no interest in training or supporting her. The club leadership is only part of her job and has been mashed together with other, quite different roles within the organization to make a full-time job. No one else is on site when we run the club and I never see the other members of staff. Despite the directors forecasting they are going to expand this program to three times as many kids, they seem to have minimal interest in making sure that anything is done properly.

After broaching the need for more in-depth and structured planning with our manager by email, I have been paid an extra hour each week to help Meg prep and set up for that week’s session, but this doesn’t solve the complete lack of structure for this enterprise (for which parents are paying handsomely in the belief that the club is run by trained and qualified teaching staff). Meg tells me that when she raises issues about the club, she is told to circle round to me, her supposed assistant. I am capable of being her support system or even spearheading the development of the program, but a) I didn’t sign up for this, b) I should be being paid more than minimum wage and c) I’m pretty annoyed that her bosses (who include a former teacher) seem to regard delivering interesting and educational science activities as an unskilled job.

After the drama of my last job, I have no energy for this. I have already handed in my notice and will not return after the next school holiday. My letter was minimal – just stating that I was giving notice as per my contract. It was acknowledged with a one-line email and that’s it.

I feel strongly that Meg has been failed by her bosses and that the club may fold soon unless they find someone who is willing to hold it together for/with her. But is there any mileage in me telling them this in the hope that they might support and train this poor woman in the future? The teacher in me is screaming that someone should say something so that the club is worthwhile for these kids. Or should I just walk away and divest myself of stuff that is exhausting without giving it a second thought?

You can do either! Either one is reasonable and defensible.

The argument for just walking away is: you’re not paid to solve this level of problem for them, nor did you sign on to do that, and you’ve already told them about the issues. They’ve chosen not to care.

Moreover, Meg is well positioned to raise the issues she’s encountering and the support she needs (less so by virtue of only being a year out of college — but it’s still more in her purview than in yours).

You’re not obligated to push and push and push until someone listens — especially when, from what you’ve already seen, they may not be interested in listening.

On other hand, the argument for speaking up is: if you feel strongly that you want to, and you’ll have more peace of mind by knowing that you did, well … why not? There’s nothing to lose, and if you want to speak your mind, feel free to.

But for what it’s worth, an alternative might just be speaking to Meg — telling her that you’re worried she’s being failed by her bosses and explaining what kind of support she should ask for. That might be a useful reality-check for her if she doesn’t have the experience yet to know that this isn’t reasonable … and also to ensure that if the program does fail, she won’t feel like she personally owns that failure.

2. My boss questioned whether it was OK for me to use bereavement leave for a funeral

I’ve worked at a small nonprofit for over 20 years. Most employees are remote but, due to the nature of the work, my team is in the office along with several members of senior management including the president, COO, and the head of HR.

Last month, my mom passed from Alzheimer’s and no one in management has acknowledged my loss. Senior management expressed concern about the amount of FMLA leave I took when my mom went into hospice just before Thanksgiving, almost like they thought I was lying to get a couple extra days off around the holidays. My supervisor also questioned HR about the “appropriateness ” of using bereavement leave for her funeral.

I’m hurt and angry that the organization I’ve devoted 22 years to can’t cough up a sympathy card or that not one of the people I work for, the people I see almost every day can’t be bothered to utter the basic “my condolences. ” I’ve been treated with suspicion rather than sympathy.

Before I rage quit, I need to know if this is normal? Or does my office suck?

Your office sucks.

People who knew about your mom should have given you condolences. And questioning the appropriateness of using bereavement leave for a funeral? What does she think bereavement leave is for?

That said, don’t rage quit just yet. Think about how this fits in with what you already knew about this organization and these people. Is it out of character or does it match up with patterns you’d already seen? It’s probably the latter; it just might not have pushed its way to the forefront of your consciousness as much as it’s doing now due to their sheer callousness in this incident. But it’s helpful to see the full picture, even if you do end up ultimately rage quitting over it — both because it’ll help you better understand the environment you’ve been operating in and because it’ll help you spot it better in potential future jobs.

3. Does anyone really like managing?

After 15 years in the workforce and seven in my field of specialty, I’ll be starting my first leadership role next week. I’m excited! Leadership and management have always been career goals of mine and even though I know I have a lot of work ahead of me I really think I will make an impact. I’m ready to make mistakes, learn from them, and figure out over the next few years how to be a truly great manager.

But I can’t help feeling naive or like I’m missing something. So many people seem to dislike management roles and I know a lot of people who have switched back to individual contribution because they hated it so much. I know it can’t be impossible to like being a manager and I’d love to know how I can increase my chances of actually enjoying this career change, or is it totally personality-based and if I don’t already have the aptitude for it, is it too late for me? There are a lot of reasons why I think I’ll actually be a better leader than IC but based on what I hear from so many people I am worried my confidence is totally ignorant.

Managing people is a pain in the ass.

It can also be really rewarding if you’re someone who likes people and likes having the tools to make things run the way you can see they should run. Personally, those are the two things I like about it: I find other humans endlessly interesting, and I find it satisfying to be able to solve problems, remove obstacles, and lift up talented people. I’m also willing to have difficult conversations (and mostly see them as interesting opportunities to move everyone forward rather than as events to be dreaded), which is key — if you have the other two things but not that, it’s going to be a struggle. I think if you talk to other people who like managing, you’ll hear similar things.

You do need to see authority as just a tool in your toolbox to make things happen. If you like it too much, you can become a tyrant, and if you’re scared of it you’ll become a wimp. Getting the balance right — and having a matter-of-fact orientation toward it — really matters.

Related:
does anyone actually like being a manager?

4. My boss says we can’t talk about our wages with each other

A couple of days ago, our manager called a group together and threatened all of us with write-ups if we were caught discussing our wages. Someone in the group pointed out that it is illegal to try to prevent this. The manager doubled down and said that we had signed away our right to discuss wages when we were all hired. I researched the law and what others had to say, and discovered that this isn’t true.

The trouble is, I don’t know what to do. What if I’m wrong and I’m missing information? I asked and it seems that the discussion was only with a single group and not the whole factory, so should I report it to HR? The factory is owned by an international entity, so does that have an effect?

I really want to know what to do. I feel like this needs to be reported if this is against our rights but I need my job and I don’t want a target on my back.

Yes, if you’re in the U.S. and not in a supervisory role, this is illegal. Your right to discuss your wages and working conditions with coworkers is protected by the National Labor Relations Act, and you can’t sign that away regardless of what paperwork they put in front of you when you were hired. (And if they did ask you to sign that right away, that itself is illegal conduct from your employer.)

Whether or not to do anything about it is a different question and depends on (a) your sense of how good your HR is, (b) how much capital you personally have, and (c) how much you care. There are some companies where taking this to HR would very much put a target on your back, even though it shouldn’t (although they should appreciate you highlighting a legal liability for them). So you have to know your own company.

But the other option is to just let your coworkers know this policy is illegal and can be disregarded, and continue to discuss wages if you want to. If they try to discipline you over it, you could point out to HR at that point that they’re violating the law.

Related:
my company wants to stop me from discussing my salary with coworkers

5. My boss is out for several months — will my promotion still move forward?

I suddenly got a call from my boss’s boss today, letting my team know that due to unforeseen circumstances, my boss isn’t going to be around for at least the next couple of months.

My boss has always been my biggest champion and was actually in the middle of sorting out a promotion for me. I believe his boss would be aware of this, but I’m not fully sure how best to bring it up. What’s appropriate to ask about here? Asking about ongoing ownership of projects seems reasonable to me, along with more logistical stuff, but things like the change of role seem a bit more nebulous. I’m generally a very anxious person so it’s difficult dealing with a sudden change like this.

This depends very much on how your office operates and also how far along your boss was in making the promotion happen, but it’s definitely possible that it’s just going to be on hold until he’s back. Still, though, it’s reasonable to say to your boss’s boss (ideally on a call when you’re discussing other things that need to be covered in your boss’s absence), “Agamemnon and I had been talking about moving me to a X role. Is that something that can still progress while he’s away or is it more likely to be on hold until he’s back?”

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