my coworker doesn’t want me to lift heavy boxes, how much detail should I share in a phone screen, and more

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My coworker doesn’t want me to lift heavy boxes

I work in a supply store that sells a variety of goods and also does returns for a large, very well-known company. One of my coworkers, a middle-aged man named “Carl,” has attempted to stop me (a woman in my 20s) from moving the closed return boxes every time we’ve worked together, warning me “they’re heavy.” (Our computer system ensures that nothing weighs over 40 pounds). I’ve told him that I don’t mind moving heavy boxes, but it doesn’t seem to register.

Yesterday, when he told me not to take a full cart of boxes to the back room, I said, “You seem concerned about me moving the boxes, but it’s not a problem.” I didn’t smile, but I think I said it respectfully. A few minutes later, he called me over and said, “This is a male thing.” He went on to explain that he “wasn’t picking on me,” but “in my country, we don’t let our females lift anything heavy.” He also told me that he didn’t doubt my ability to lift the boxes, but still thought I shouldn’t.

Today, we went to the back room to unbox a recent delivery and restock the store. Carl made a big deal about putting together a cart of items for me to stock without anything heavy on it. He even had me lift one of the bins that only contained a few items to feel how light it was. Then, towards the end of the day, he tried to take the package of bottled water I was carrying, but I didn’t let him.

I don’t know if Carl doesn’t understand why I find this demeaning, or if he’s actually being malicious. Overall, he’s a friendly person and seems well liked in the store, so I’m leaning towards the first possibility, but that doesn’t make it less infuriating!

I know you’ve covered this topic before, but I feel like I’ve already used the scripts you’ve mentioned in other posts. Saying “I’ve got it” doesn’t make it stop, nor does asking Carl why he’s doing it, nor does ignoring him. Do you have any advice on how to proceed if/when this continues? The store manager is very reasonable, and I’d consider asking her to talk to Carl if it came to that, but I’d rather try and solve the problem on my own first.

“I know you don’t mean to be rude, but this is coming across very disrespectfully. If ever need help, I will ask you for it. If I don’t, please give me the respect of trusting me to do my job.”

If he tells you again that he doesn’t let women lift anything heavy, you can say, “At work, you should be treating men and women the same. Again, please respect that I know what I am doing.”

If that doesn’t work, then yes, ask your store manager to tell him to cut it out.

Related:
how to decline men’s help carrying things at work

2. Should I ask an employee about her computer background?

I have a direct report whose cube is open to the general office. The other day I noticed their computer background (attached). Having watched the entire series of The Good Place, I know exactly what this background is and what it represents. (Spoiler alert, everything is not fine and this is really The Bad Place). Does this mean they think of work as The Bad Place? Have they never seen the show and related to the general tone of “Everything is Fine” since the world is a mess?

They’re somewhere in their early to mid 20’s and I’m about 20 years older, if that matters. We do have semi-regular check-ins and they seem generally satisfied with their role. I feel I am pretty open and approachable as a supervisor. I have tried to figure out the language to ask if this has a deeper meaning, and the versions I tried on my partner at home all came out very Big Brother-y. Advice, please!

If your concern is whether it has deeper meaning about their satisfaction with their job, leave it alone. It’s likely just an expression of general cynicism and/or “the world is a mess / capitalism is a mess.” Probing into it would be putting too much weight on it and, yes, a little Big Brother-y.

However, if you’re concerned about the optics of it to others (particularly if she has a public-facing job where it could be pretty inappropriate in the sense of “we don’t telegraph our dissatisfaction to clients”), that’s not off-limits to raise.

3. How much detail should I share in a phone screen?

I’m a manager hiring for a position with a couple unusual aspects, and I’m wondering how much information to include when I’m phone-screening candidates.

First, the role is temporarily remote but will eventually transition to hybrid. This job is located outside our main service area where we don’t currently have an office space. So this person will initially work from home but once we establish a worksite, they will be in-office twice a week with the rest of the organization.

Also, for equity reasons, our organization doesn’t negotiate salary. Our range is $70k-$100k for the role, and starting salary is based solely on years of relevant experience. It is very rare for a new hire to come in over the mid-point of the salary range.

Much of this is described in the job posting as well, but in my experience, applicants usually don’t remember details other than the salary range.

During the phone screening, is it best to explain all of the above and allow time for questions? Or do I simply say, “This position is temporarily remote but will eventually transition to hybrid. Starting salary is $70k,” then move into the typical first-interview questions?

In other words, how much detail belongs in a phone screen so candidates can decide if the role feels like a fit, but don’t feel overwhelmed or discouraged?

You should share details about all of this. It’s exactly the kind of information where the details could make or break whether the candidate is interested in the job.

You shouldn’t just say “starting salary is $70,000” because that doesn’t give enough information for candidates who are looking for (and would be offered) more. Ideally you’d say, “The range is $70k-$100k and is based on solely on years of relevant experience. For a candidate with your background. I’d expect you to be offered right around $X. I want to be up-front that for for equity reasons, we don’t negotiate our offers. On your end, does it make sense to keep talking?”

For work location, ideally you’d share a likely timeline for them needing to be in the office since there’s a big difference between “you’ll be in the office sometime this quarter” and “getting an office space in your area is probably a few years away.”

Related:
employers say they appreciate that I tried to negotiate salary, but they won’t budge

4. Leaving for a new job when my boss is terminally ill

I’m at a small firm, and I am something of an executive assistant in addition to my main job. I worked very closely with a director at our company, as well as my grandboss, the owner/founder. Other than that, I’m a one-person department.

Last fall, my grandboss, who was my director’s long-time mentor, got very sick. He’s been taking a leave of absence, which has been somewhat fraught. I moved into more executive assistant duties for the director instead of for owner, and this long-suffering director has come to rely on me. Around new year’s, I reevaluated my goals and started applying for new roles, which had more to do with the consistent punching-bag nature of my position and almost nothing to do with the changes surrounding my boss’s illness. I’m pleased to say I anticipate having an offer very soon.

Things haven’t been improving for my boss, and I’ve learned today that he will be entering palliative care. I feel bad leaving for a new role and leaving the director in the lurch during this very sad and strange time. I don’t know anyone who has gone through anything remotely similar. I think I know what to do, that I should do what’s right for my career and take a good role if one comes my way … but I don’t have a sense of what’s a normal way to behave under these circumstances. Is this unusually heartless? Or would anyone else in my position accept a new offer?

It is not unusually heartless. You can care about your coworkers as people but still make career decisions that are in your best interests. (And for all we know, the director could be job-searching, too — if you turned down an offer out of loyalty, there would be no guarantee that she wouldn’t leave herself soon afterwards!)

Your obligations here are to give a normal amount of notice and transition your work as best as you can; no one reasonable would expect you to put your own career progression on hold.

I’m sorry about your boss.

5. Ashes at work for Ash Wednesday

I’m not client-facing and I work remotely, but if an employee were client-facing and they observed Ash Wednesday and the imposition of ashes, could an employer require them to wash off the ashes prior to any client or public meetings? I’m guessing not, but could the ashes be considered distracting? (For the record, I’m Christian and observe Ash Wednesday, but the imposition of ashes was never an option at the churches I attended, so I never really gave this any thought.)

No. The ashes are a religious observance, which employers are required to accommodate as long as doing so doesn’t cause them what the laws calls “undue hardship.” Courts have been clear that clients’ potential biases don’t qualify as “undue hardship” to the business (similar to how you also couldn’t decline to hire someone of race X or gender Y because clients might find their race or gender distracting, or discomforting, or so forth).

The post my coworker doesn’t want me to lift heavy boxes, how much detail should I share in a phone screen, and more appeared first on Ask a Manager.

View the full article