can I ask for a cost-of-living raise after I chose to move to a more expensive city?

A reader writes:

I’m a 32-year-old professional on a niche team for a large corporation and have been in my role for four years.

When I was interviewing, I was living in City A, a low-cost-of-living city that I really disliked. When I took my current job, they were clear that they allow my role to be performed from anywhere in the U.S., and I was hired at a salary consistent with my experience and then-geographic location.

About five months after starting, I moved to City B, a much-higher-cost-of-living city. My director told me that while my move was no problem logistically, I would not receive a pay increase for relocating, as the move was my initiative and the company didn’t care where I performed my work from. I agreed, because this made sense to me and I was desperate to get out of City A. Now, I’ve been in City B for a few years, received merit increases each year, and have only gotten good feedback from my team. I love my work, feel supported in my role, and see a real future for myself here. I also love living in City B and intend to stay here or a comparably-sized (and comparably-priced) coastal city long-term.

Despite all this, I can’t help but think about the fact that if I had just lived in City B at the time of hiring, I’d have started at a higher salary band based on my local cost of living and would certainly be making more each year. I get by alright, but am definitely not able to contribute to savings at the rate I should be and have no viable path to home ownership here with what I make. When I’ve seen comparable roles in my city advertised, they’re paying about 20% more than I make now.

Thinking about being here long-term, I worry that I’ll never really catch up to what I’d be making if I’d been hired while living here despite consistently receiving raises, but am not sure how to explain it to my higher-ups without sounding like A) I’m just being greedy or B) I’m reneging on the very clear conversation I had with my director when I moved, and am now expecting them to pay me more for a move I initiated.

I’m not sure at what point I should flag for them that while I want to stay here, I’m worried that doing so will keep my annual pay lower than it’d be if I applied elsewhere with a home address in a high-cost-of-living city. Is there a way to raise this conversation, or is this a lost cause since my job is a do-it-from-anywhere role and I chose to live someplace expensive? It feels like I’d be most easily able to bring this to a head if I got a higher-paying job offer from someplace else and brought it to my boss, but that feels risky, time-consuming, and like overkill when I don’t want to leave my job in the first place.

Any guidance is appreciated, even if that guidance is telling me that I’m being unnecessarily fixated on the “what ifs” of my salary. For what it’s worth, while my team has been fantastic, I am the youngest person by about a decade, the only woman, and the only one of my racial/ethnic background, all of which really seem to be compounding my stress about having an honest conversation about pay with my bosses.

I wrote back and asked more how cost-of-living pay normally works in the letter-writer’s company:

Generally, my company sets starting pay for people based on experience and the local market where they are living. If an employee transfers to a different location and begins working from an office there, their salary is updated for cost of living to make it competitive in their new local market. That didn’t apply to me because I work completely remotely and thus didn’t go through the whole office-transfer process when I moved.

Since my team is fully remote, I think there’s just not a clear policy that would address my situation. Most/all of the people on my team have lived in the same cities since they were hired and are settled there. When I moved after being hired, a few people noted that I was the first person they could remember to have moved a significant distance while on our team. So I think it’s not like they’re intentionally paying me less, mine just isn’t a situation that they’ve encountered recently.

It’s true that this isn’t something you could have raised just a few months after moving — when you’d clearly agreed that the move wouldn’t come with a pay raise since it was at your initiative rather than the company’s — but it’s been nearly four years. It’s more reasonable to revisit how your pay is structured now: you’ve been there a lot longer, your value has presumably increased significantly (you’d only been there five months when you first negotiated this!), and you’re thinking about what your future will look like long-term.

I would frame it this way: “Would Company consider a cost-of-living adjustment for me being in CityName? I know originally the plan was that my pay wouldn’t change when I moved, but now that I’ve been here a few years and I think have been contributing to the team at a high level, I’m hoping we can revisit my compensation. I’d love to stay with the company long-term and I also plan to be in CityName long-term. When I see comparable roles advertised here, they’re paying about 20% more than I make. My concern is that if I’d applied while living here originally, my salary would have been set higher from the start, and that difference will compound the longer I’m here.”

Again, it’s been four years and you’re more valuable to them now! It makes sense that you’re thinking about how and whether this can work for you long-term, and it makes sense that they would want to know how they can increase the chances of keeping you long-term. If your manager values you, they may be a lot more willing to work with you on this now than when you were only five months in.

They still might say no! That’s always a risk when you ask for a raise. But you won’t look greedy or out of line for asking.

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