HR wants me to give someone a bad review they don’t deserve, conference attendee told me I looked “bored,” and more

It’s four answers to four questions. Here we go…

1. HR wants me to give someone a bad review they don’t deserve, to cover up HR’s own mistake

I am a manager for a small team of engineers. One of my direct reports was given a new role that was supposed to come with a promotion and pay bump this year. It turned out that our local HR did not have the authority to actually increase his payband and rebranded the new role as a “lateral move.”

Now reviews are due, and I am being told to artificially give another person on my team a bad review so that we can give a larger raise to the person who took on a new role.

It feels really bad and unethical to do this. Especially since this is all due to local HR making promises that they couldn’t keep. I am looking for any advice on how to proceed.

Whoa, yeah, that’s awful. It’s bad enough that they promised someone a raise that they can’t deliver on, but now they want you to give a bad review to someone who doesn’t deserve one so they can try to cover for their own mistake?

You should refuse to give the bad review. Say this: “I can’t ethically give someone a bad review that they don’t deserve. If there’s not enough raise money to go around, I can work with you to figure out the messaging on that, but I can’t give someone a bad review when they’ve performed well. Given that, how should we proceed with the dividing the salary increases?” If they keep pushing you, you should escalate this over their heads.

2. Company is cutting retirement benefits while giving extra money to employees’ kids

As you may know, starting in July parents and guardians will be able to open a new type of individual retirement account for kids under age 18 (the the 530A account); individuals and employers can contribute up to a total of $5,000 per child per year.

The Big Boss at our company announced that the company will contribute several hundred dollars per child for those born in a four-year time span (2025-2028) to full-time employees.

That’s great! We are a very large company with a fairly young demographic. However, we are also flush with middle-aged employees and no small amount of much older employees … and those older employees got dinged at least twice when the company stopped 401K matching and then brought the match back at a significantly lower level. When I asked HR about the match reduction equating to a reduction in compensation (along with increased insurance premiums and very reduced benefits; the company is self-insured) I was essentially told that’s just how it is.

We have also previously been given half-days off prior to certain holidays, adding up to three days, but they stopped that practice this year. I asked HR if we would receive additional compensation for that time and was told no.

We’re constantly told how the company is struggling and how we need to work harder, smarter while they cut back tangible benefits. And while I think working parents need all the help they can get, the contribution to these accounts for a select few without making comparable contributions to our 401K seems off balance. Your thoughts?

I’d have no problem with this if they hadn’t cut benefits for everyone, while then adding a new benefit that only goes to people with kids. Cutting contributions to retirement accounts for employees while investing money in employees’ kids’ retirement accounts — and increasing insurance premiums across the board — is not good. I don’t know that I’d lump the canceled half-days for holidays in there, but it’s understandable that taken all together, it feels awfully tone-deaf for them to be adding a new benefit that goes to non-employees while shortchanging their actual employees.

3. Conference attendee told me I looked “bored”

I work for an organization that runs a conference for a few hundred people each year. I play a variety of roles, from doing social media at the event, to running session logistics, to doing tech during conference-wise keynotes, etc. This year, the tech table with the laptop and soundboard were fairly near one of the projection screens. During one 90-minute event, I ran the Powerpoint, answered questions on my phone, and posted about the conference, all at the same time. It went off flawlessly, which was a huge relief because it takes a lot of planning.

Lo and behold, a conference attendee came up to me afterwards and told me how “bored I looked.” Um, okay? I’m a woman, so, is he essentially calling me out for having resting bitch face? I spent the rest of the conference extremely self-conscious about how my face looked, which was exhausting.

In the moment, I just politely laughed it off, which I feel like made him feel like he was right to say something. But this is also a rare instance that I have way more organization capital than this person, who is a partner but not an employee. What could have been a better response in the moment that stood up for myself and got him to back off?

“Nope, just really focused on running the program.”

Far too many men love to give women unsolicited input when they have no standing to offer it. Men, y’all need to cut this out.

4. Should I be offended by the ad for the job I’m leaving?

I work in an agency setting in public relations. I have consistently received positive reviews for my client work and have been promoted twice since I started seven years ago, but I haven’t been as successful with new business development, which is a prerequisite for my next promotion. I started job searching late last year and was just offered a job at a company where new business development is not a requirement for bonuses or advancement, so I gave my notice this week.

Yesterday our HR posted a job listing for my replacement and asked for me to share it if I knew of any good candidates. My eyes popped out of my head a little bit when it said they were looking for someone with 2-5 years experience. Does it reflect badly on me that they think they can replace me today with someone who has even less experience than I did when I joined the firm seven years ago? If so, I don’t want to share it, obviously. I have a handoff meeting next week with HR and would like to be able to respectfully address it if it is a reputational problem for me.

It’s not an insult to you. It could be that they’re switching up the role a bit and have reasons for wanting to bring someone in at a more junior level, or they could be ignorant about what it takes to perform well in the job, or they could be open to a wide range of candidates and that’s the minimum experience they’re looking for but not necessarily what the successful person will end up having.

You can certainly offer your feedback about their hiring plan, framed as, “For what it’s worth, I don’t think this is the profile of candidates who will be well-suited for the work; you’re likely to need some with more experience because of ___.” But avoid seeing it as a reflection on you; it’s more likely just HR being HR, in any of the ways described above.

And of course, you’re under no obligation to circulate the job description; that would be a favor to them regardless, and you can simply decline to.

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