my employee sobs at her desk every week

A reader writes:

One of my employees, “Brenda,” is a sweet, kind, sensitive, empathetic soul. A self-described empath, she cries easily and is a feeler’s feeler. (She feels things about my life that I don’t even feel!) She gets emotional when given any sort of feedback that isn’t glowing (and even sometimes over feedback that is glowing) and when Brenda realizes that she has caused a problem of some sort – regardless of how small – she is often teary-eyed for the rest of the day. Until recently, I’ve been able to manage her fairly effectively, but now I’m unsure of how to set expectations without sounding particularly heartless.

Brenda is in the midst of a highly emotional period in which she is dealing with some heavy baggage from her own life. For the last several months, she has been a heartbeat away from a meltdown at seemingly every moment. Now, multiple times each day, she is sitting at her desk with tears streaming down her face, often for “no reason at all.” Sometimes she’s sobbing – several times a week.

Brenda is well aware that her colleagues are walking on eggshells around her, but she can’t help the tears. Her colleagues are sympathetic but the emotional roller coaster is taking its toll on everyone … and we are about to enter an extremely busy all-hands-on-deck season. Brenda’s inability to control her emotions is affecting the efficiency and effectiveness of our team.

In theory 30-40% of her job could be done from home, but she is social and doesn’t want to be alone.

She does seem to be getting help from a therapist. But I know I need to set expectations for her about controlling her emotions in the workplace, including providing boundaries around what is appropriate from an emotional standpoint, coping skills, etc. I am prepared to discuss reasonable accommodations as well. I want to be empathetic and supportive, but I need to maintain an efficient team.

I would love some advice on wording for that conversation that wouldn’t be completely cold and heartless.

I answer this question over at Inc. today, where I’m revisiting letters that have been buried in the archives here from years ago (and sometimes updating/expanding my answers to them). You can read it here.

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