I can’t afford to stay at my job without a large raise

A reader writes:

About two years ago, I had just started working at a major media company on the east coast, making good money. I was able to be the sole breadwinner for my family of four.

Due to a complicated family situation, we were forced to move to the middle of the country to be near my in-laws. My job could not transfer, so I got a favor from my dad to get a remote job at his company, taking a major pay cut in the process. It was still enough to take care of everyone with the lower cost of living, and it was well above the average of the area.

About nine months later, that company had a major restructuring and I was laid off. I had to scramble to find any work that paid even close to what I was making. I was able to get a contract with a local government agency that was open ended, but I had to take a rate well below my comfort level.

The people at my work seem to like what I can provide them with and want to keep me around. With my one-year anniversary coming up, I asked my boss for a raise that was higher than a cost-of-living adjustment. He seemed amiable and said he would do his best. I did not have a hard figure to give him at the time.

However, I finally have some hard numbers to work with, and I am now panicking. After fixed expenses, I have just above $1,000 a month for all incidentals, such as food, fuel, stuff for the kids, etc. We try to be as frugal as possible, but we are still spending at least double that every month on a “middle class” lifestyle.

I have realized that I am going to need a raise of over 10% of my current salary for us to get above water. However, I know that government jobs pay poorly compared to the private sector, and that is going to be a hard lift. I am willing to get more education (they will pay for it) and do different shifts, etc. to try to negotiate. However, if I can’t get that amount of a raise, I literally cannot afford to work for them without a second job.

I could tell them that I will have to look for another job, but considering this is my fourth job in three years, I don’t know how many companies are going to take me seriously. I also do not want to burn a bridge because poor money is still better than no money.

My wife could work, but the only work she is qualified to do now would not pay for the childcare expenses that we would incur. My parents are not available, and hers are close but not close enough to be free babysitting.

What do you recommend that I do here? What is the best way to tell my boss that the raise they offer is not enough? Do I just accept it and tighten our belts more? Do my wife or I bite the bullet and get another job?

You can’t really ask for a raise based on your living expenses; what employers pay you is based on the value of your work to them and the market rate for that work in your geographic area. That’s particularly true in government, where pay rates tend to be highly regimented and your boss isn’t likely to have much flexibility.

So: is the amount you want to ask for reasonably aligned with the market in your area and justified by the level you’re contributing at? If so, go ahead and ask for it! Who knows, maybe you’ll get it. But if it’s wildly outside the realm of what the work normally pays, you’re likely to come across as out of touch (and are very unlikely to get it).

In some situations where you’re highly valued and have a good rapport with your boss, you could lay your cards on the table and say something like, “I’ve run the numbers and to stay long-term, I’d need to be earning $X. Is that realistic here or not something you could do?” Note that’s not getting into the reasons why, which ultimately aren’t relevant to your employer. It’s just moving straight to the bottom line, while acknowledging that it might not be possible. And even then, I wouldn’t do it if you know the number will seem colossally outside the norm for the field (although 10% probably isn’t).

But ultimately, if the job doesn’t pay what you need to earn, the options are to find ways outside this employer to bring in more income — whether that’s adding a second job, moving into a different job, or whatever else you come up with. The job pays the range it pays.

Related:
the Ask a Manager guide to asking for a raise

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