can I subscribe to my coworker’s OnlyFans, office brings retirees back to work even when they can’t do the job, and more

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Can I subscribe to my coworker’s OnlyFans?

One of my coworkers has an OnlyFans. I found out because she was talking about it to a small group of us at lunch, so she’s not going out of her way to hide it at work, although I doubt she would want everyone to know, especially our managers. I looked it up out of curiosity and its nudes and the type of photos and videos you’d expect from an OF. My brother said I shouldn’t subscribe because she’s a coworker, but she told us about it. It’s not like I went searching on my own and found it, so I think it’s no big deal if I do. What say you?

You should not subscribe to your coworker’s OnlyFans.

Maybe she wouldn’t care, or maybe she’d feel creeped out. Maybe she was kicking herself for mentioning it after that lunch and is hoping it didn’t stick in anyone’s mind. Maybe she wouldn’t care right now but down the road she would. Maybe she’d see it as similar to mentioning that she works in a men’s club but still not appreciating if a coworker intentionally showed up there.

Really, though, you don’t need to figure out with certainty how she might feel. Ultimately, it’s more important that she can come to work without her coworkers sexualizing her, and you should err on the side of treating your coworkers like colleagues, not sex objects, regardless of what she’s putting on the internet.

Verdict: do not subscribe, and wipe it from your mind.

2. Our office brings retirees back to work even when they can’t do the job anymore

I am a technical specialist who works for a local government agency. This office has a habit of bringing folks back part-time after they retire. In many cases, this is a good thing! We retain valuable institutional knowledge and the retirees enjoy staying connected and earning a little extra money.

However, in other cases it is detrimental. For example, one employee in a physically demanding role retired 25 years ago (!) but still comes in regularly. He spends most of his time chatting with coworkers. In another case, a 90-year-old employee wants to return after breaking her hip in the office. Even before the accident, she had been struggling with the core duty of her role, which is answering customer phone calls.

It has grown as a problem in recent years to the point where it is inhibiting operations. These positions tie up salary funds while other staff spend time correcting mistakes or helping these workers navigate systems that have changed significantly over the years.

Although I don’t presume to know everyone’s financial situation, we are lucky enough to have a generous pension and these folks aren’t suffering for money. It seems more likely that they miss the social connection and sense of purpose that work provides.

Management seems to be keeping them on due to a mixture of pity and fear of being accused of ageism. I know that they have tried strong suggestions and rolling back job duties with limited success.

This isn’t something I personally manage, but I’m curious from a management perspective: what is the kindest and least legally risky way for an organization to tell retired employees, “Thank you, but it’s time to go”?

The easiest way is to simply not bring people back after they retire unless there’s a real work need for it. But once they’re there, management needs to commit to managing them like any other worker — meaning that they need to be held to meeting their job requirements like anyone else would be. It means having conversations like, “What we need from you to stay in this role is ___. Will that work for you or is the job not matching up with what you’re looking for anymore?”

If your management feels awkward about doing that because they’re older or won’t be willing to let them go if it’s not working out, they’d be better off not bringing them back at all.

The ageism here sounds like it’s the fear of treating them the same way they’d treat someone younger — and that is ageist, and it’s unfair to everyone.

Related:
I feel terrible performance-managing an octogenarian

3. An employee of the organization I volunteer for keeps messing up

I am a volunteer for two organizations. The first is municipally run, and the second is a nonprofit that fundraises to fill funding gaps for the first.

Last month, I was asked by an employee of the municipal org (Jordan) to teach a skill to other volunteers at an upcoming event they were planning. I readily agreed, as only a handful of us with the org have this skill, and it is necessary to serve our most vulnerable population. Jordan said they would email me to set up a time for us to meet and go over event details. Jordan has a reputation in both organizations as a procrastinator, and part of the reason events they organize are often not well attended is because they do not promote them until the day before or day of the event.

After a week with no communication, I emailed Jordan to set up a meeting. They responded the following day asking for my availability. I replied that evening. Jordan responded a week later, and we set a meeting for that Friday.

The meeting went well, and Jordan said they would have time Monday to work on promotional materials for us to share and they should be ready by Tuesday. They sent a text with a mock-up of one promo on Monday, then nothing. I followed up on Friday and asked them to send the materials as soon as they could. Jordan said they’d try to get them done over the weekend. (Occasional work outside of normal hours is accepted within their org.) The weekend came and went with nothing.

On Tuesday, I spoke with leadership at the nonprofit, and asked if it would be within our mission to host the event. They said it was, and we could offer to do that. I emailed Jordan that day to follow up (again), offering for the nonprofit to host it. I also offered assistance with organizing the skill lab, and included a task I could take on. Jordan’s response only addressed the specific task I’d offered to take on for the event, saying it was unnecessary. They also give a third soft commitment of having the materials ready this morning. In speaking with another employee there today about something unrelated, I learned Jordan is off today. I don’t expect to receive the materials.

I’ve made multiple offers to take things off Jordan’s plate, and I’ve been trying to consistently follow up with them due to their reputation as a procrastinator, while also giving some grace, since I know that the pace of things in their org is unpredictable. If I were an employee, I would have pushed for a hard commitment after the first missed delivery rather than “I’ll try” and would have escalated to management after the second miss. As a volunteer, I am unsure of how to handle the situation. I really want these events to be successful for the sake of the population we serve; otherwise I’d be inclined to allow Jordan to fail on their own at this point.

You should escalate it. Both organizations are relying on your work, and the person charged with helping you is repeatedly dropping balls and creating an obstacle to that work.

Who to escalate it to depends on details I don’t have, but it could be a volunteer coordinator (at either organization), your own manager (at either organization), or Jordan’s manager. But you very much have standing to contact someone with some authority and say that Jordan has been continually not following through on commitments and it’s impacting your work in XYZ ways, and ask if there’s someone else you can get the things you need from. (It doesn’t matter if you know there isn’t anyone else who could step in; you’re asking the question as a way of putting the issue on their radar.) An even slightly decent manager would want to be aware of what’s going on — and even if they have a general sense that Jordan is unreliable, that’s not the same thing as them hearing about the specific problems you’re encountering and being told you need a different solution from them.

4. Am I being too rigid about my calendar?

Lately I’ve been overwhelmed with meetings and am making a conscious effort to protect my time so I can actually get things done. Ideally, my first and last hour of the workday is blocked off, in addition to a dedicated two-hour block mid-day for deep work and focus. My ideal day almost never happens — if someone reaches out and needs to meet, I try to make time if it can’t wait until I have an open spot. However, if you were to try to schedule something with me next week, you would not find a single open time slot on my calendar because of this.

I know every company and industry is different, but how far outside the professional norm is it to try to limit your time spent in meetings to no more than 50% of the day? I’ve never had any complaints about my availability or responsiveness, but I do wonder if I’m taking this too far.

It varies wildly by job. There are jobs where practically your whole day is going to be spent in meetings and trying to limit it to half the time would be unworkable, and jobs where this would be utterly unremarkable and no one would even notice, and lots of variations in between. In lots of jobs, though, this would be fine.

In your particular case, if people can get you when they need to and no one seems concerned about your accessibility or responsiveness, I’d say you’re fine. If you’re concerned, though, you could always run it past your boss — “here’s what I’m doing and why, and here’s why I think it’s been working okay, but I want to make sure you agree and I’m not overlooking anything.”

5. Can I request a demotion?

I have been a cook with a catering company for the past two years and I was recently promoted to a site supervisor role. While I am not performing poorly in my new role, I have decided that the additional stress of this new position outweighs the modest pay raise I received and I would like to be demoted back to my previous role. What is the best way to request a demotion?

“I appreciate the opportunity to work as a site supervisor, but I’m realizing it’s not for me and I much preferred working as a cook. It it possible to switch back to that? I understand my pay would change back, of course.”

It’s not always possible to ask for a demotion — sometimes there are a limited number of the spots you moved out of and they’ve filled yours with someone else — but you can certainly ask.

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