should my boss message me before calling on Teams, how to accommodate an autistic meltdown, and more

It’s four answers to four questions. Here we go…

1. Should my boss message me before calling on Teams?

My boss recently called me very early in the morning (7:50 am) through Teams without notice. I was working already; I got online at 7 (my work hours are 7 am – 4 pm) but it bothered me and got me a little anxious. I let it go as a missed call and wrote to her immediately after saying that I was ready now. Was that okay or is it okay for her to call without messaging me first to ask if I’m available? Or just because she’s the boss is accepted?

The fact that was so early caught me by surprise, because she’s usually online later, but I think it would have bothered me regardless of the time because she didn’t message me first.

Many offices have a cultural expectation that people will message first to check if you’re available before calling, but even then there are still times where your boss may need to just call you and won’t message first. If it’s during your work hours, that’s not an overstep. The assumption isn’t necessarily that you’ll be available on the spot (you might be on another call or away from your desk), but it’s not wrong or inappropriate for her to call without warning. (That would also be true if she were a peer, not your boss, but your boss in particular has the leeway to do it.)

2. How to accommodate people who have outbursts for medical reasons

I’m asking a question on behalf of my community of autistic folks. Some people with autism experience violent panic attacks when exhausted or profoundly overstimulated. Within the autism community, these attacks are called “meltdowns.” Most people with relatively mild autism don’t suffer from these attacks to a debilitating extent, but some autistic people, especially those who are more profoundly impacted by their autism, do. These attacks are involuntary and often cannot be controlled. Sometimes they can sometimes be lessened or managed with therapy or medication, but not always.

Because these attacks are violent and potentially dangerous, and because there is so much misunderstanding around them, people who experience regular meltdowns are frequently unable to work, even if they are otherwise highly qualified. Autism community boards often feature posts by people with meltdowns trying to figure out how to make a living in spite of these attacks.

What advice would you give people in this situation? Is it legitimate to ask for accommodations to deal with these attacks–perhaps remote work, or off-hours/night work? Are there any other accommodations that might be possible? Is there anything else to suggest?

It’s absolutely legitimate to ask for accommodations, and remote work sounds like it could be one of them if it’s feasible for the job. Also, if a person’s meltdowns are likely to be triggered by something in the work environment, an effective accommodation could be minimizing or removing that trigger (for example, if a noisy environment or disruption to routine can cause them, you could look at accommodations geared toward avoiding those triggers — like a quieter workspace or at least a more sensory-friendly space you can move to when needed, the understanding that you sometimes may simply need to get up and leave, or advance notice when there will be changes to a routine).

Not every accommodation will be possible for every job, but an employer should be willing to enter into the ADA-mandated interactive process to try to find a solution, and there are lots of options between the extremes of “coworkers are exposed to violent outbursts” and “otherwise qualified person who has autistic meltdowns just can’t work.”

3. Mentioning in an interview that a good friend works on the team

My partner was invited to an interview for a supervisory position in their field with a new organization where a mutual friend of ours also works. As it happens, we both know this friend from a previous job all three of us worked at about eight years ago. The role would make my partner and friend co-supervisors to a shared pool of employees, which actually kind of mirrors the job situation we were in all those years ago (it’s a small industry!).

Should my partner disclose the friendship to the hiring committee? On one hand, this doesn’t seem like it raises any conflict of interest issues, it’s just a job where they’d be working with a good friend. On the other hand, would a hiring committee think it weird if they don’t mention it at all, and it comes out on the first day of work that two of the supervisors are good friends and have known each other all along?

To be clear, we haven’t sought out our friend’s advice on how to prepare for the interview, or asked anything of them to help my partner out in any way, so we’re wondering what you would recommend as the safest choice in this situation.

It should really come from the friend — because it would be pretty weird if your partner’s friend knows their good friend is interviewing for a job where they would be co-managers and doesn’t mention that to anyone else involved in the hiring. The hiring committee deserves the opportunity to be aware of the dynamic and think about how it might impact things, and if the friend has any input into the hiring decision, it would be a problem not to acknowledge a personal relationship with one of the candidates.

So it’s primarily the friend who should be doing this. But your partner should also find an opportunity to mention in the interview that they worked closely in a similar role with Valentina Warbleworth eight years ago.

4. I work different hours than my boss

My job doesn’t pay very well for my skills. It is sales and I have good results, but my company doesn’t make enough money to pay me accordingly. I put in an honest effort, and try to limit my time at work to what is reasonable given my salary. As a result, I leave work to work out earlier than others.

I arrive around 8-8:30 and leave around 3:30-4. I probably work a little less than others, though am typically the first in the office and I don’t know when others leave.

I have a new manager, and he comes to the office 1 to 1.5 hours later than I do. This results in me leaving way earlier than he presumably does. I’ve been honest about my salary and time approach (I actually have discussed with my former and new bosses that I don’t think I should be working full-time given my pay, and they didn’t object), but I don’t want to look like I leave ludicrously early.

How can I get credit for the time and effort I put in earlier in the day? Or should I just get a new job that I can feel good about putting more effort into? I generally like what I do, and less working out isn’t an option.

People work different schedules, so the fact that you’re in earlier and leaving earlier than others shouldn’t be an issue as long as your boss is fine with your hours. If you’re working less overall, that could be an issue, but it sounds like you’ve been straightforward with your boss about your schedule and the reasons for it and he hasn’t objected.

You can certainly make a point of ensuring he knows you’re there at 8-8:30 even if he’s not — like by sending timestamped messages around 8 and so forth. But it sounds like you have reasons for what you’re doing, you’ve laid them out, and you can continue on with it until and unless he expresses concern. (Of course, it’s possible that he doesn’t like it and just hasn’t told you — and that you won’t find out until you’re suddenly on a layoff list or something like that — but you could also ask him directly if he foresees your schedule being an issue or not.)

Whether you should get a different job is a whole different question but, based on what you’ve said, it doesn’t sound like this schedule would need to be a reason to.

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