group work is driving me mad, giving feedback when I haven’t seen the problem myself, and more

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My coworkers’ approach to group work is driving me mad

At my workplace, we’re regularly required to give short presentations on how our work is coming along. As we work in teams, the teams need to present together. It seems like every time I come up against the same dynamic, and it’s driving me up a tree:

For example, Fergus and I need to do a 5-10 minute presentation on sales in a certain district. We have to make a PowerPoint and a summarizing document to be shared with everyone. We split up the work so that we’re each handling one half of both the PowerPoint and the document, and set up a check-in meeting a few days before the meeting to run through the presentation. Fergus completes his work just a couple of hours before the check-in, so I’m looking at the document throughout the week, seeing nothing happen, and getting freaked out that I’m going to have to pick up his work. After the first check-in, more work needs to be done on the presentation, so we schedule another check-in. Again, nothing seems to be happening ahead of the second check-in, so I break and just go in and do his work. Fergus expresses remorse at not having done his part and, to make amends, goes in and makes unnecessary changes that make the presentation worse (think randomly italicizing words or making all the text different colors), necessitating me going in again and reverting the changes because it was fine before. Altogether, doing the presentation together has taken twice the amount of time it would have taken me to do it alone, and it’s eaten into other important work I need to do. By this point, I am livid and Fergus can tell, so doing the presentation becomes clunky and joyless, even though I actually really enjoy giving presentations.

This is just one example, but it’s not specific to Fergus. Fergus is also not a bad guy, and I don’t think he’s deliberately trying to get a free ride. What I’ve shared above is a pretty specific example — not every person is formatting materials like this! However, the dynamic of me picking up other people’s work when it’s not done on time or correctly has happened with so many different people that I’m beginning to think it’s a me problem. It’s probably unreasonable to ask people to get their work done ahead of time so that I’m not stressed about it. And I know that there are certain aspects that I can just let go. It’s just that when a person seems to be on their way to giving me the runaround, I automatically get in that headspace of, “Here we go again! I might as well do the whole thing myself since that’s what’s going to happen anyway!” And then it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Can you offer some reframing so that I don’t lose my ever-loving mind? Are there some scripts I can use to make sure my coworkers and I are on the same page in terms of expectations?

First, how much does it matter if these presentations are perfect? Are you correcting them to a standard used by other people presenting or to a higher one? If the latter, it’s worth revisiting if it would actually be fine to put less energy into perfecting these.

Or, can you divide the work differently — like instead of each being responsible for half the PowerPoint and half the document, can you each take the entirety of one? (Probably not if you’re presenting jointly, but it’s worth asking.)

Otherwise, though, should the check-ins be earlier? If you’re nervous when you don’t see work being done earlier because you know from past history that it means changes will be needed at the last minute, why not suggest checking in earlier in the process? Either way, though, you need to stop looking at your partners’ work until the actual check-in, because that’s just making you antsy and adding to the problem — and the deadline needs to be the real deadline (without a secret deadline earlier in the week). And you definitely need to stop going in and doing your coworkers’ work for them just because it’s not done early; that’s not fair to them (they may have time carved out to do it later and it’s not okay for you to just decide to do it yourself) and it’s compounding the problem.

If you find that trying all of this leaves you with substandard work, then it’s time to talk to your boss about what’s going wrong — but first do the above and see where that gets you.

2. Giving feedback to a staff member when I haven’t seen the problem myself

I work in a structure with four managers and four officers, where the direct reporting lines don’t really correspond to working areas. So as a manager, I have regular and comprehensive catch-ups with my reporting officer (Lily), but I don’t actually get to see what she’s like to work with, only what she tells me. And I see enough to have given her some development pointers over the last year, but we don’t have any formal 360 review type mechanisms in place.

One of my fellow managers has told me that she and the officer she manages have both found Lily isn’t great at collaborating — she can guard projects a little too closely. I’d love to work with her on developing this skill, but I don’t want it to sound like people are coming to me unprompted complaining about her. I don’t think this is a failing, just an area of working where someone relatively junior and inexperienced can stand to improve. Can you suggest any scripts for how to bring this up?

Be transparent: “I periodically talk to other managers and offices about how things are going and where we can develop, and one things I’ve heard is that they’d like better collaboration on things like X and Y. When you’re the owner of a project, sometimes it can be easy to guard it so closely that other people feel shut out from opportunities to engage on it — but we want them to have chances to hear about progress, give input, and spot problems that they’re especially well positioned to spot (and which we may not be). Can we talk about how you’re handling input from others — and where we should welcome it, and what to do when you’re not sure a particular piece of feedback makes sense for the work?”

Before you do this, though, go back to the other manager and get more information about exactly how this is playing out (if you don’t already have those specifics ). You want to know exactly where Lily is struggling with this since your guidance will differ depending on what that looks like. For example, your focus would be different if she’s getting defensive when people offer input versus never giving them chances to offer it in the first place, and so forth).

Alternately, in some cases you could just ask, “What are you doing to ensure we get input from the X and Y teams?” or “What kind of input has Jane offered on this?” (and then, “What was your thinking on that?”) and dig into it that way, or even sit in on a couple of relevant meetings where you could observe it firsthand and then give her feedback afterwards. But this isn’t something you should need to dance around.

3. Can you use a follow-up email to “fix” responses you messed up in the interview?

Can post-interview thank-you email be used for other purposes — namely, is it an opportunity to shore up responses where I know I didn’t nail it in the interview?

I tend to either nail or whiff my interview questions entirely based on whether I anticipated and prepped for the questions in advance, so inevitably I have at least one or two questions where I fail to answer them well. Can I use the thank you email to share some of what I wish I’d said on reflection?

I’m imagining something like this: first, thanking them as normal. Then, if the question I whiffed was about X, I’d say, “As someone who does X in my work — such as with Example A, B, and C — I continue to be excited about the opportunity to leverage these skills in service of….”

And if you whiffed more than one question, can you address multiple things? I think trying to recover from more than two issues would make the email way too long, but wondering if “thank you, highlight area X, highlight area Y” is also crossing that line.

Yes, you can use your follow-up email to correct or expand on things that came up in the interview, including things you don’t think you answered well. But your proposed example is too subtle! You should be more direct about it. For example: “I realized that when you asked about X, I should have shared ____.” Keep this relatively short — a paragraph or two at most.

And I’d limit it to just one or two things. The second can be framed as, “I also wanted to mention…”

More than that will come across a little weirdly, but it’s fine to do this with one or two topics.

Related:
thank-you notes: they’re not about thanking anyone

4. Explaining minor injuries at work

I’ve recently developed a minor skin condition on my hands. It’s easily treatable and not something I think about or worry about too much. However, the medicated lotion makes the skin on my hands incredibly thin, so they’re covered with scars and scrapes constantly. This in and of itself isn’t even that bad, but even a minor scratch or bump causes me to start bleeding. This morning I was running to a meeting, sat down, and realized I had blood running down my hand where I must have bumped it getting out of the car.

How do I address it so my coworkers aren’t worried? I don’t really need help or anything. I keep bandages everywhere and I usually just excuse myself for a moment, clean off the blood and come back. I’ve even started bleeding in a meeting after I hit my hand on the table! But to reiterate, these aren’t things that really hurt at all and I don’t want people to be concerned, but I appreciate that they are.

Keep doing what you’re doing — excuse yourself to handle it and then come back. You don’t need to say anything beyond that. But if someone expresses concern, just say, “Oh, it’s just a minor skin condition that means I bleed easily right now, but nothing to worry about.” People will take their cues from you, so if you’re breezy about it, that’ll likely be that.

5. When I’m a witness for someone else’s complaint, can I share my own experience?

My coworker, Vila, has raised an official grievance against his manager, Servalan, for bullying and discrimination. I’ve been asked to be a witness in the investigation, and I’m not sure what to expect in the meeting or what my responsibilities are.

I haven’t directly seen Servalan’s behavior in this case because Vila is in a different office but, based on how she treated me for the four months I reported to her, I absolutely believe it. The only reason I didn’t raise a grievance myself is because I spoke to my skip-level boss and had my reporting line changed. Can I talk about Servalan’s treatment of me in the meeting, or am I expected to keep solely to how she treated Vila?

Yes, you can share your own experience with Servalan. Be up-front about that: “I haven’t directly seen Servalan’s behavior with Vila because I’m in a different office, but I have my own firsthand experience with her that aligns with what Vila is reporting. Would you like me to share what I experienced myself?”

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