swinging grannies, the misdirected critique, and other times you said the exact wrong thing at work

Last month we talked about times when you said the exact wrong thing at work, and here are 20 (!) of my favorite stories you shared. There are also many not included below but which you’ll be seeing in Mortification Week later this year.

1. The insult

I once worked as an editor and I told an author that if they tried a certain method to make a certain change to their paper, it “might be worth a shit.” Shot. I meant shot. And I did not catch it before hitting send.

2. The inexplicable sneer

I had a phone screening for a job many years ago. There was a particular way of doing a standard task that I used more as a freelancer than in my current job because my boss at my job thought that method was inferior to another way. So of course they asked about it, and — even though I actually disagreed with my boss! — what came out of my mouth was, “Well, we don’t do that at Current Company” in the most contemptuous tone possible. It was like I’d suddenly channeled my boss.

I tried to immediately correct by saying I used the skill in freelance work and I disagreed with Current Job’s position but you will not be surprised to hear I did not get any further in that hiring process.

3. The memory

I told a room full of people living with dementia that I had “the world’s worst memory.” Do I? Do I really?

4. The criticism

I’m a marketing copywriter. At a job several years ago, the creative director was showing me a print mail flyer that she wanted to work with me on updating. As she was going over the changes she wanted to make to the design, I nodded in agreement and said, “Oh that sounds amazing! And good thing, this current design is awful. Who designed this?” She waited a beat before saying, “I did.” I wanted to crawl into a hole and die.

5. The poster

A coworker made a poster describing the work her church’s mission group did overseas, which included some health care/education outreach activities not routinely available for women in remote areas of that country. Under the accomplishments section, the poster read: “WE TOUCHED 75 WOMEN IN THEIR HOMES!”

That was over 10 years ago and I still use that phrase as a writing example where meaning has completely changed without key details.

6. The compliment

My boss had a meeting with local donors and the CEO happened to be present as well. In an effort to try and give a compliment about the size of the company’s current endowment, my boss instead said to the donor, “Have you met my CEO? He’s very well-endowed.”

7. The right hand

I was once being interviewed for a job by a man with one arm. I assured him before I left his office that he could count on me to be his right hand.

8. The brains

One Halloween, I dressed like a zombie at work. My boss let me know that he was heading out to lunch so I responded with, “Get some brains while you’re out!” After I said it I was like oh well … I’m a zombie, never mind, but luckily he had a sense of humor.

9. The bad example

I used to use the phrase “in case you get hit by a bus” as an example of why documented procedures were important. Not long after I started my current job, one of my colleagues kindly let me know that a very beloved member of another team had actually been hit by a bus, so I might want to use different wording.

10. The children’s librarian

Children’s librarian: I have put my foot in my mouth many a time during storytime. Once I implied that we should appreciate how cute the kids were because we weren’t sure if they would be here next year — then tried to overexplain while parents stared at me with jaws agape. Another time I complimented the kids on their blowing skills. My dad was in the audience with my niece that day as a bonus. We were pretending to blow out candles. It might not have raised any eyebrows if I hadn’t turned bright red and started laughing maniacally. I’m usually very good at storytime.

11. The interview

I work in HR and when this happened I was applying for an HR manager role and had over 10 years of experience. I was meeting with several people one after the other and when one asked me to come to her side of the desk so she could share information on her computer, I said, “Sure, you’re already harassing me so why not?” Why and how this came out of my mouth was a mystery then and still is 10 years later.

12. The microbiologist

Oh man, I work in Microbiology.

“I think I have gonorrhea.”

Or any other number of things.

Usually followed by, “I don’t have gonorrhea, I have gonorrhea.”

13. The client service

I was following up with a client who hadn’t responded when I realized I ended my email with, “If you have any questions, don’t call me!”

14. The question

I’m in OB-GYN. Many years ago I had a patient who was here for an abortion. I noticed she was holding some stuff in her hands, as we talked, and she seemed to be annoyed to be dealing with it. I encouraged her to set the things down on the desk.

“Thanks,” she said. “I don’t know why but my husband wanted me to hold his wallet for him.”

“Can’t he keep it in his pants?” I asked the patient. Who was there for a pregnancy she didn’t want.

We both recognized what I’d said at the same time. Fortunately she thought it was hilarious. I hope I brought some light to her on a rough day.

15. The poor choice

I walked to our print room and saw two of the accountants pulling apart a printer to find a jam. I laughed and said, “What, is the printer guy dead?”

Yes. Yes he was.

16. The battle against the aged

I used to do charity collecting with friends at university, for a different charity each week. So, one week the patter was, “Could you spare any change to help fight cancer?” and the next was, “Could you spare any change for [UK charity] Help the Aged?”

Looked over during the second week’s session to see some passersby in absolute hysterics because my friend had asked them for change “to help fight the aged.”

17. The pic

At my previous job, I was in charge of onboarding all new hires. We used the DISC (I know, I know) and hung up each person’s profile with a picture of them near their desk. Usually, I would say, “Can you please send me your DISC pic?” but once, to a male new hire, I said, “Can you please send me your dick pic?” I quickly corrected myself, turned eight shades of red, and then chose to rephrase my statement moving forward. I still cringe when I think about it.

18. The swinging grannies

I work in the performing arts, and at one interview for an adult education role I expressed my desire to extend community aerial circus workshops to older people by declaring, “I want to get grannies swinging!’’ Cue irrecoverable giggles from the panel.

19. The fashion

There was this person in my office who always had the BEST outfits — super well-fitting, super put-together yet fun, made animal prints (something that’s not always my thing) look super cool … Aaand for whatever reason, anytime I wanted to complement her, my brain decided to tell her how “fun” her outfits looked. Which, like, you can get away with once or twice, but I said this so often she must have thought I was determined to passive-aggressively insult her fashion sense.

We also worked on different teams, so this was probably 70% of my interactions with this person. I genuinely thought she was very cool and wanted to be work friends, but I guess my brain was intent on sabotoging me.

20. The father

About 20 years ago, I worked in a group of mostly under 25-year-olds in a call center. We were a high-spirited bunch new-ish to the working world and not particularly serious. There was a lunchroom with a big TV where we would eat in shifts, chit chat and watch junk TV programs, including one where the host would announce “You ARE” or You ARE NOT” the father after a mother’s paternity test.

One time at a meeting right after lunch, our boss announced she would be taking time off because she was pregnant. Out of my mouth flew these words: “Congratulations! Do you know who the father is?”

The post swinging grannies, the misdirected critique, and other times you said the exact wrong thing at work appeared first on Ask a Manager.

View the full article