coworker threatened me and HR isn’t doing anything, telling someone they need editing, and more

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Coworker threatened me and HR isn’t doing anything

Last fall, a coworker made an inappropriate comment toward me (called me a “ho” out of nowhere) and also made a statement about using a gun on me. She made these comments in front of several coworkers, who reported the incident. Around that same time, it had been announced that she was receiving a promotion, which added to the confusion.

The following week, we were told this employee was no longer with the team. About a month ago, we learned she had actually been on leave and has now been reassigned to a different team within the organization.

While I have not had direct contact with her since the incident, I feel uneasy knowing she is still employed here, given the nature of what was said. Leadership and HR have not communicated much about the situation, and I’m unsure what protections or boundaries are in place.

I have asked for support from HR to avoid interaction, but they have been less than helpful. My manager is also frustrated with HR and has offered to help me come up with our own safety plan, which I appreciate, but I’m not sure what that should realistically include or whether that responsibility should fall on us.

What is a reasonable course of action here? Is it appropriate to push HR more directly for clarity on safety measures, or to formally request that I not have any interaction with this person? How much responsibility should I or my manager be taking on in creating a “safety plan” in a situation like this

When things are at the point that you need a safety plan, the person really shouldn’t still be working there — not unless there are extenuating circumstances that mitigate what happened (for example, a medical issue that has been treated, combined with compelling reason to believe that whatever caused the original threat won’t be repeated and sincere contrition).

It’s absolutely appropriate for you and your manager to push HR very directly for a clearer answer about how you can feel safe at work. Ideally your manager would take the lead on advocating for this … and also should have a conversation with HR, the company’s lawyers, and her own boss about the company’s legal and moral liability when an employee has threatened to shoot another employee.

2. Can I wear earbuds to drown out diet talk?

Recently, I’ve been wearing two earbuds at the office with music or podcasts in the background while I work. Typically, this isn’t something I like to do because I think it can come off as unprofessional. Especially because I’m in my 20’s — I think my generation can get a reputation for constantly being on our phones (and to a certain extent I understand that reputation and it can be true), so that’s another reason I try to avoid it.

Recently, everyone in the office has been talking about their diets – weighing themselves, the amount of calories they consume, the foods they’re cutting out, etc. As someone in recovery from an eating disorder, hearing these things can be difficult for me. For a while, I was in a really good place where, yes, it was annoying to hear these conversations, but I could try and zone it out. Lately though, the repetition of these conversations has hit more closely and makes it more difficult for me to focus on my work and maintain my recovery. I would love to ask my coworkers to not talk about these things during work, but I’m not sure it’s my place do that given that it’s a “me” issue that I have to work through. My solution has been to wear two earbuds while I work to drown out those conversations. Is this a happy medium compromise, or do you think it would come off as too unprofessional?

It’s pretty office-dependent; in many offices, it would be a non-issue and completely unremarkable. In others, it might feel out of sync with the culture but still be fine to do (especially if you explain it helps you focus). In a minority of others, it would feel out of sync with the culture in a way that could affect how you were perceived there.

So, first: does anyone else wear earbuds? Do you need to be able to hear people talking to you unexpectedly? If you’re still left unsure, ask your manager about it! It’s fine to say, “I’ve found some of the chatting in the office distracting and realized I focus really well with headphones on — is it okay with you if I keep doing that?” There’s a pretty good chance you’ll hear it’s fine. (And if you don’t, you could potentially approach it as a formal accommodation if you’re willing to disclose what’s going on.)

But also, you do have some standing to ask people to lay off on the diet talk, and there’s advice here on how to do it.

3. Is there a polite way to offer editing services?

I am a very active member of an online community for a particular hobby and would love to work for this community. I have years of experience as a writer and editor, and I have noticed that the site could probably use one — they put out a lot of content and quite a few errors get missed. I also want to add that I’ve been interviewed by the owner of this community, so I’m not a complete stranger.

I’m struggling with a polite way to say to them, “You need an editor. Would you like to hire me?” *Is* there a polite way to say this? Any suggestions?

It probably isn’t going to be a super high priority for an online hobby community, which likely has limited resources and may rely mostly or entirely on volunteers. But you can offer! It’s okay to be straightforward about it: say you’re a fan of their work and active member of the community, work professionally as an editor, have noticed their content not infrequently contains editing errors (you could include something like “understandably, since I’m sure the people creating it have lots of demands on their time”), and you’d love to talk with them about what an editing arrangement could look like if that’s something they’re interested in. Assuming you’re not offering to volunteer your services, you’d want to make that clear (probably by stating your rates up-front or mentioning that you’d be open to discounting them if you are).

4. What to say to a worker who was striking when we last spoke

I work for a company that provides vendor services to an industry that has a fair amount of unionized workers. A few months back, I contacted a client to check in, only to be told rather awkwardly that his department was on strike so he wasn’t sure how things were going. Such news typically doesn’t make it to a national level for this industry unless it’s very large or there’s some unusual circumstance. I’ve been doing this job for over half a decade and this was my first time speaking with a striking employee. At the time, I just wished him luck and well wishes, and ended the call.

It’s clear from the notes on his account that he’s now back at work, so today I reached out again. I got voicemail this time, but if I had gotten him on the phone, should I have said anything about the strike? Google doesn’t tell me much about how the strike was resolved, so for all I know he’s not happy about it, and it’s not appropriate for my role to get involved in those discussions. Overall, this feels pretty low-stakes but I’m curious about your thoughts.

You don’t need to reference the strike. It would also be fine to say, “Glad you’re back” or “Glad the strike didn’t have to last very long” (if it didn’t) or “I hope the strike was successful” or otherwise express your support.

5. How to explain my recent layoff

As a result of some reorganization in the department, I was recently made redundant after only a year and a half on the job. Leadership made their decision based on shifting strategic priorities and it had nothing to do with my performance. How should I think about explaining this redundancy to potential employers as I begin to apply for new positions? The “reason for leaving last position” question is bound to come up on applications and in interviews and I’d like to have an answer prepared.

Being laid off is a completely routine and unremarkable reason for leaving a job and you won’t need a lengthy explanation! You can simply say, “Our team had a reorg that significantly changed our priorities and my position was eliminated as part of that.” If multiple positions were cut, you can say, “A reorg eliminated multiple positions on my team, and I was laid off as part of that.”

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