how to dodge a coworker’s MLM party, my manager is fixated on old mistakes, and more

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. How can I politely dodge a coworker’s MLM product party?

How do you politely dodge coworkers’ MLM “parties”? I despise multi-level marketing schemes (MLMs). They’re predatory, cult-like organizations, and I refuse to support them in any way.

A coworker recently invited me to her cookware-hawking “party.” Putting aside the fact that I rarely cook anything more elaborate than spaghetti, I really just can’t bring myself to support this. The problem is, this is a colleague who I like a lot and collaborate with regularly. I don’t want to lecture her about the toxic nature of these companies but it feels rude to just blow it off. I’d claim to be busy, but it’s an online event. How do I politely turn it down?

“I don’t really buy cookware, but thank you!”

If she responds that you don’t need to buy anything and it’ll be fun just to attend: “They’re not really my thing, but thanks anyway.”

If you were someone she knew to be an avid cook, you could also say, “I’m super picky about cookware and only have a couple of brands I buy” or “I’m trying to be disciplined about not buying any new kitchen things.” And if she pushed after that: “It’s not really my thing, but thank you.”

MLMs often train their salespeople in how to overcome objections so any of these answers could spur her to try to change your mind (which would be especially inappropriate to do with a coworker, but that doesn’t mean it won’t happen) but falling back on “it’s not really my thing” will work as long as you’re firm about sticking to it. (In fact, that’s often the case with boundaries — it almost doesn’t matter what specific you land on, as long as you are willing to stick to it.)

2. Manager is fixated on very old mistakes

I’ve been working at my current job in mechanical design for a little over a year and a half. An inherent part of the design process in my industry is very long lead times for client feedback and other departments doing their portion of the design, which means it can be months before a design I have finished actually starts being built.

My boss frequently calls me in to lecture me about errors in projects I worked on a year or more ago, when I was still brand new and had very little experience with how the company did things, but weren’t noticed until production began more recently. I know I’ve improved significantly since those early days, and would never make the obvious mistakes I did early on, but my boss talks about these errors in the present tense as if they are happening now, and dismisses any explanation I offer about how long its been and how much I have improved. My coworker who started the same day I did gets treated the same way, and the two of us have already gotten one email from our boss’s boss about the errors we “are” making and how it costs the company money to fix.

For the most part my job is very satisfying. I enjoy the work, the hours are very flexible and open to WFH if needed, and aside from this issue my boss isn’t bad; they answer questions and explain things when I ask, leaving me alone to work at my own pace otherwise. But it’s frustrating and demoralizing to feel like I’m being judged and evaluated based on an image that is very much not reflective of my current work and I’m constantly concerned about being warned or even fired because of those past errors. Aside from privately tracking my corrected errors, which suffers from the same long delay between design and production, how can I prepare myself in case the department manager continues to get an outdated impression of my performance?

Can you name it for your manager? For example: “You’ve pointed out a few errors to me recently that were from back when I first started, like X and Y, and I want to make sure you know that that’s not something I’m still doing currently — it was back from when I was learning the job and still figuring things out. I’m always grateful to get feedback, but I also don’t want you to worry that those are errors I’m still making.”

Depending on how that goes, you could also say, “Is there a good way for me to communicate than an error was from a year or more ago when I was still learning? I don’t want to sound defensive when you’re giving me feedback — I definitely want any feedback you have for me — but ideally I’d like you to know if it’s something from a while back that is no longer happening.” She may not have a good answer to that, but the act of asking it should help get it on her radar as a thing that’s happening.

3. Child care and hotel rooms when two spouses are attending the same work conference

I wrote in last year about my spouse’s company suddenly competing with mine (update here). My spouse and I still aren’t bidding on the same work (thank goodness!), but we do still work in similar roles for separate clients in different industries. Turns out, both of those clients use the same vendor who hosts an important annual conference. We now may both be asked to attend the same conference!

In our previous, child-free life, that would be no problem. But per my previous update, we now have a baby to consider! We can’t both travel to the same conference without a childcare option. Our options would be flying a relative out to take care of the baby while we are traveling or bringing the baby with us and seeking a childcare option during the day (and likely evening with busy conference schedules!). Do you think we would have any grounds to ask for our companies to pay for childcare during the travel days? I doubt it, but curious about your opinion of what’s normal in cases like this. I have nightmares of us bringing the baby to the conference and switching off care between sessions. I’m not serious about that one, but could you imagine how awful it would be to attempt nap time behind a booth or in some random conference room?

Separately, what would we do about a hotel? It would be weird for us to travel and get two separate hotel rooms, but I couldn’t ask my company to pay for half of a hotel room, right? Does anyone else attend the same conference with their spouse for different companies and run into issues like this?

You can’t really ask your company to pay for child care in a case like this; in all but the most unusual situations (where you have an extremely hard-to-find skill set and are wildly in demand) that would come across as out of touch. You’re generally expected to figure out child care or explain you can’t go. Is the latter an option for one of you?

But if you do both go, for the hotel one of you would just tell your company that you don’t need them to book a hotel room because your spouse will also be there and you’ll be sharing a room.

4. Backing out of a summer job if I get a better offer

I’m a college student who recently applied to several summer internships in my dream industry. I’m pretty confident in how I presented myself, but I also want to be realistic about this pretty competitive industry, so I also applied to some local businesses as back-up summer jobs. The problem is, many of these local places have responded to me expressing interest much faster than the internships. If I get into an internship, I’ll definitely take it, but I don’t want to turn down any of my back-ups before I know that for sure.

What do I say if I get a hiring offer from a back-up job while I still have a chance at the internships? If I accept and then get a better opportunity, is there a tactful way to back out of that job, without seeming disrespectful or damaging my credibility with the business?

This is a thing that happens with summer jobs. They won’t be thrilled, but they’re unlikely to be shocked or outraged either. You’d simply say something like, “Unfortunately I’ve had a conflict come up and I won’t be able to work with you for the summer. I really appreciate you offering me the opportunity, and I wanted to let you know as soon as possible. I apologize for any inconvenience this causes, and I wish you and the team all the best for the summer.” They might be loath to hire you in the future, but that’s just how this stuff goes.

5. Is networking required to get a job now?

I’m seeing a lot of stuff online saying that because the job market is so bad right now, the best way to get a job is through networking. On some posts you say networking is nice but not a requirement; you can still get jobs without it. Is that still true, or is networking now a must-have?

And if it is a must, what are some good ways to start networking with strangers? I’m job searching now but I’m not sure if I can rely on my current/former coworker network for jobs.

Networking is helpful but not a must-have. People get hired without networking all the time!

That said, it can make your job search easier, so it’s a good thing to do to whatever extent you can, because it can get your application an additional look that will help you stand out among a slew of qualified candidates.

Here’s some past advice on how to do it.

how to tell your network you’re looking for a job
how to send a networking email that won’t be ignored
how do I use alumni contacts in my job search?
I hate the idea of networking — it feels slimy
what does good networking actually look like?

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