how should I handle an openly hostile job interviewer?

A reader writes:

I’m returning to the job-searching arena after several years and will be interviewing over the next few weeks.

A few years ago, I was interviewed by a panel who were quite hostile and clearly not impressed with my resume or my responses. Up until that point, I’d never come across any interviewer who was aggressive, disrespectful, or rude, so the nastiness directed my way was unexpected:

• belittling of my resume
• verbal expressions of frustration at my lack of specific experience (and then giving me a nasty look)
• patronizing remarks made about my responses to questions
• aggressive facial expressions, no smiles, and no basic civilities (not even hello, just a curt instruction to “sit down!”
• questions being asked in a hostile tone with a patronizing remark at the end
• I think I was told at one point, “You aren’t very good, are you?”
• Practically throwing a resume at me for me to refer to during the interview
• Eye-rolling and groaning at my responses

All of the above sounds like something from a movie, but it really happened.

Surprisingly, I was offered the job, and as I had few choices at the time, I accepted it. I think I lasted about eight weeks before leaving for a better opportunity.

If I were to be interviewed by a hostile, aggressive interviewer again, what is some wording I can use to quickly take myself out of the running and leave the interview with my dignity intact? Since my prior experience taught me that a hostile interviewer is indicative of employer culture, I’d rather give them a wide berth.

If an interviewer is just a little unpleasant but not openly hostile, much of the time it makes sense to stay and finish the conversation — since who knows, you might want to apply again there in the future for a job with a different manager and ideally you’d preserve the relationship with the employer generally (even if you’d never work for this manager).

But if an interviewer is openly hostile, you’re not required to just sit there and take it. If someone is flagrantly rude or antagonistic, there’s no reason you can’t say, “As we’re talking, I’m realizing this job isn’t quite what I’m looking for, and I don’t want to take up more of your time. I appreciate you talking with me, and I wish you the best in filling the role.”

If you think you’d have a tough time saying this, it helps to remember that your interviewer isn’t in charge of you — which I say because the power dynamics of interviews can make people forget that. While it’s true that the interviewer is deciding whether or not they want to offer you the job, that assessment is a two-way street: you are also deciding whether or not you’d want to work with them. You aren’t a supplicant waiting for them to bestow their blessing on you. Particularly once you’ve decided that you don’t want the job, you are peers in a business conversation, and you are allowed to decide to wrap up and leave. In fact, I’d argue the best interviews always feel like peers in a business conversation and that’s not a shift that should only come about after you’ve decided you don’t want the job.

Interview conventions tend to steer candidates away from feeling they can cut an interview short but you absolutely can, the same way an interviewer could also decide to do that if a you were clearly not the right match.

If you ever need to want to end an interview early and you’re worried about how your interviewer will react, it can help to put yourself in the headspace of other types of business meetings and how you would handle those: for example, if a prospective vendor was rude in a meeting, you’d probably have a much easier time ending the conversation. The power dynamics are different in interviews — but they’re not so different that you have to tolerate abuse.

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