interviewer didn’t ask me any questions, people keep asking for unpaid consulting, and more

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My interviewer didn’t ask me any questions

I just had my second ever job interview (I’m a college student applying to a student job on an editorial team at a big media company). I feel pretty good about it. The atmosphere was nice and relaxed, they seemed enthusiastic about me and my experience, there were no major blunders.

However, what really surprised me was the lack of questions on their part. Most of the interview time was spent on them telling me about their processes and the duties I would have on the job. I was asked one (!) question by one of the interviewers and it was a very general one. He asked me to tell him about the internship I recently had at a related company and “about my life in general.”

I’m satisfied with the answer I gave, but … I prepared for so much more! I spent hours researching the company, thinking of possible questions and preparing answers to them. Now I feel like there were barely any opportunities to showcase my abilities and interest in the job.

What does the lack of questions mean? Is it normal? Is it a sign that they weren’t interested in me after all? Or, to the contrary, is it a sign that they’re already set on hiring me and didn’t feel the need to ask many questions? Please help clear up my confusion! (In case you’re wondering: This is the only interview / final stage, there will not be more interviews that could potentially include actual questions. They said they’ll get back to me with their hiring decision in a couple of weeks.)

It mostly means they’re a bad interviewer.

It’s possible they feel like the stakes aren’t that high with a student job and so they’re more interested in warm bodies and they figured they’d just tell you about the work and see if you want to do it — but I’d argue that also falls under the “bad interviewer” umbrella, because even in a very junior level job, there are great candidates and terrible candidates and everyone in between.

Sometimes, too, the person who is charged with interviewing student candidates is fairly junior themselves and doesn’t have much/any experience hiring and so they’re sort of winging it … but you can see this with more experienced managers, too.

Chalk it up to a bad interviewer.

2. Wedding gift for my boss

My whole team and few coworkers in other departments are invited to my boss’s wedding in August. I wouldn’t have RSVP’d yes except that everyone else at work who was invited is going, so I am too. It’s a weekend in a very popular midwest summer destination about six hours from where we all live, and the cheapest hotel is ~$400 per night with a minimum three-night stay. Honestly, the money is not an issue and my husband and I are not stretching the budget to attend. That said, I feel odd about gifting my boss cash? Especially with the above costs considered. But is a boxed gift appropriate? They don’t’ have a registry that I can find (it’s a second marriage for both and they have lived together for a very long time). Is cash in an envelope going to be weird when 1) it’s my boss and 2) I know that they make three times my salary? Mabye I’m overthinking but the dynamics just feel odd and I’d love some direction.

Yeah, don’t give an envelope of cash. Frankly, I think this is a case where it’s okay to attend a wedding and just give a card, because this is your boss and the rules about not feeling pressured to give upward are still in play, despite it being a wedding. But if you’re uncomfortable with that, can you and your coworkers go in on a group gift based on something you think your boss would like? Everyone else is probably struggling with this problem too and that would solve it for all of you. (Just don’t pressure anyone to contribute — ask other people what they’re doing and present it as an option if people want to.)

Also! You don’t have to go just because your coworkers are going. A minimum three-night stay six hours away is an enormous ask, and I wonder if she issued invitations without actually expecting most of her colleagues to make it! If you’ve already RSVP’d, you may feel locked in, but if we could go back in time I’d encourage you to feel comfortable having a conflict that weekend and just sending well wishes.

3. How to say I won’t work with a specific child again

I have been dealing with a difficult situation at work, and am considering presenting management with an ultimatum. I work in early years education and for the past few months a child in my class (A) has been hitting me, kicking me, throwing water at me, etc. A has additional support needs and is young enough that they cannot injure me (although I did have one bruise that took two weeks to fade). I am one of several teachers in the class but this energy is only directly at me. We’ve had weeks with no incidents, or up to four incidents in one day. The stress of this has caused me to break down in tears several times, once so badly I went home for the day.

I was just informed I will “probably” be teaching A’s class again next year. I do not know if I will be able to return next year if this is the case. Management have said the right things to me about ensuring my safety and that I can take time away if I need to, but the only measure that’s in place is I write down the details of the incidents when they occur and to my knowledge no one has ever looked at this. I have had to fight for acknowledgement that this is a serious problem that requires action and am feeling burnt out and unappreciated. After months of my complaints, the school has started arrangements to hire a shadow teacher to support A but there is no guarantee this will stop this behavior.

I have worked here for several years with consistently glowing performance reviews. I am also uniquely valuable as I possess desirable niche skillset X but without common qualification Y which would entitle me to a 50% higher salary. These things are never certain but I believe they’d be willing to do a lot to keep me. I’m also in the fortunate position of being able to survive financially without this job, although I adore it and would be very sad to leave.

My question is about how to approach this. I read an old letter about presenting an ultimatum and you advised against over-explaining. I agree with this, and am lucky in that there’s not really a middle position, just don’t make me teach A anymore, which makes things a lot simpler. I work for an extremely small school, there’s no HR, and I suspect the reaction I’ll get will be confused sympathy. I don’t feel that anyone understands how stressful the months constant vigilance and random attacks have been and therefore my threatening to quit will make me look overemotional and unprofessional.

You don’t need to go straight to “I will quit over this” — just ask directly for what you want. For example: “I am not comfortable teaching A again for safety reasons and would like them to be placed in a different class.” You might also point out that since A hasn’t attacked anyone else, they might be more likely to thrive with another teacher — but either way, clearly state that you are requesting to have A moved.

If they refuse and you’re willing to quit over it, the next step would be a statement like, “I want to be up-front that this is something I am considering leaving over. Is that the best solution or is there anything else we can do?”

Caveat: I don’t know enough about early years education to know how often this kind of behavior comes up and if it’s something people working with young children are expected to be willing to work around (or for that matter, what the right steps are for the school to be taking, although I imagine other steps do exist since young children are essentially feral creatures). If they see it as something that anyone working with this age group needs to be prepared for, they may feel like the issue is bigger than the situation with A and that it’s more of a mismatch with the work. That doesn’t necessarily change anything about how you should proceed, but it’s something to include in your thinking too.

Related:
how to say “I’ll quit over this”

4. People keep asking me for unpaid consulting after I say no

I’m taking three to six months away from paid employment. I want to move into a new field that’s significantly different — for anonymity, let’s say teapot making to space tech. The only way to focus sufficient time and capacity to achieve this is to take time out from full-time employment. I’m making good progress, and one of my actions has been to reach out to my network to see if they have space tech connections or leads. Sometimes they ask for my resume which, while weighted heavily towards the experience I’m building in space tech, also references teapot making.

What I have found is that some connections interpret this as me being available for unpaid teapot consultancy. I am highly experienced in my old field (30 years) and if I was to consult, I’d charge and earn high fees. However, what is most important right now is time. I have a full program of professional activities to build my space tech reputation and knowledge. I am not looking for teapot projects (paid or unpaid) to fill in time.

I state clearly to these connections that I am fully focused on space tech for the next two months and will not take on other projects until then, but I’ll bookmark their project and if I decide to refocus on teapots after that, I’ll get back in contact. This message does not seem to get through. I get persistent requests to continue to be involved in teapot startups — like emailing me details of a project (which I haven’t discussed or agreed to support) on a Sunday and texting me wanting to speak the same day, then texting me again on Monday morning following up. I’ve had similar experiences where I decline a project and the requestor keeps asking, or behaves as though I’ve agreed to do it when I have said no.

Is this usual in business? Do I need to just to keep reiterating the message that I am focusing only on space tech for the next two months, or is this a culture/communication difference and other wording would be more effective? I want to remain professional and keep the option for future business open (if space tech doesn’t work out), while also communicating clearly without appearing abrupt or rude. Are there any insights or scripts you can provide?

No, it’s not usual, which makes me think something about your wording might not be as clear as it needs to be (although it sounds pretty clear!). I would stop saying that you’ll bookmark their project and get back to them if something changes, since that may be muddying the message. Instead, just say, “I’m not currently taking on teapot projects so can’t help, but best of luck with it.” If you can refer them to someone else instead, you can do that. But otherwise stick with “I’m not currently taking on this work” and don’t get into whether you might change your mind in the future.

After you do that, if someone continues to ask for your involvement, say this: “I apologize if I wasn’t clear: I am not available to assist with this. I hope you can find someone who can help!”

5. Can my job make me close the store five nights a week?

I am a key holder closing the shop three days a week and the other days I do restocking, customer service, etc. Now my bosses are trying to give me five days to close, which I don’t want because it is a lot responsibility and I burn out. Can they force me to do that?

Yes, they can make it a requirement of your job. But you can try pushing back, by explaining that you don’t want to or you’re not available at those hours that many nights per week or whatever makes sense. They can still decide it’s a job requirement for you now, but you can have a discussion about it where you attempt to change their minds. If they want to keep you, they should have at least some incentive to try to find other solutions (if they exist).

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