making 2 job candidates have dinner together, manager eavesdrops on conversations, and more

[ResidentialBusiness]

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager.

It’s four answers to four questions. Here we go…

1. CEO is making two finalist candidates have dinner with him at the same time

Wondering if you can tell me if this situation is as crazy as I think it is. My company is hiring for an executive level role for an office we are standing up in a new state. This role will report to our CEO and it’s important we get the right person in place. We’ve narrowed it down to two final candidates, they have interviewed with other C-suite employees, and the feedback is similar on both candidates (both would likely be great in the role). Our CEO wants to take them both to dinner … at same time, together.

After I pushed back on this idea, the CEO brought it up in a larger team meeting, and every person agreed this wasn’t a good idea. But our CEO is convinced this is the way to go. His reasoning is a little competition would be good for them and help him make the final decision.

Beyond being unprofessional, I think this would make the candidates question our culture and if they even want the role. I feel like this is a disaster in the making. Is there a scenario when taking two candidates to the same business dinner would be a good idea?

No, this is a terrible idea! Any decent candidate is going to wonder if your management culture pits people against each other in dysfunctional ways, and it’s going to be an awkward position for both of them.. Hiring isn’t about candidates going head to head with each other at the same dinner table; it’s about the employer assessing candidates against their own set of metrics and deciding who’s the strongest match.

A lot of excellent candidates would be turned off by this and decline. That said, if they’d be taking a job with a CEO who thinks “a little competition is good for them,” it’s probably better that they find that out now.

2. My manager eavesdrops on conversations

My manager has a habit of eavesdropping: she will lurk around a corner listening to a conversation for a couple of minutes then appear, having taken a side. I find this really creepy.

Recently she took it to a whole new level. A supervisor and I were having a somewhat heated discussion about something in a room where it’s quite hard to eavesdrop (thick doors). My manager came into the room and walked over to a computer and started using it. Our discussion paused and I said something like, “Uh, do you want to be involved in this conversation, Mary-Jane?” and she said no, she was just there because someone had left a computer logged in, which is a security issue.

We stood there awkwardly as she fiddled with the computer (logging out takes two seconds), just the three of us in the room. Eventually the conversation continued and she continued to pretend she wasn’t listening. Later on I got written up for being disrespectful to the supervisor in that conversation.

There isn’t really a question here, but, your thoughts?

Well, your manager is an eavesdropper. I don’t know that it’s creepy, per se, but it’s weird — she’s your boss so she has the authority to just involve herself if she wants to, rather than pretending that she’s not listening until she’s suddenly responding.

There might be some circumstances where you can sort of call it out, by saying, “Mary-Jane, you look like you’re paying attention — do you want to give input?” In some situations, if you have a ton of capital (and I mean a really significant amount) and want to use some of it, then after she’s popped up having clearly been lurking around the corner, you could say, “It always throws me off to realize someone has been listening where we can’t see them! I would rather you just join us straight away in the future.” (But you need to be deeply valued and your job rock solid, for that to even approach being a good idea, and even then it’s probably not worth it unless you’re about to lose your mind over this.)

Beyond that, all you can really do is be aware that she does this, so if you ever don’t want her to pop up in a conversation or opine on it later, pick your locations carefully.

But I’m curious what else she’s like as a manager, because my guess is that this isn’t the only way she’s weird about how she exercises authority.

To be clear, there are times as a manager where it’s useful and legitimate to listen into conversations that you’re not an active part of — like paying attention to how an employee talks to coworkers or explains a project on a client call. But it shouldn’t be a covert thing, where people assume they have privacy and really don’t, or where it makes people feel scrutinized or micromanaged or like they don’t have any autonomy. More here:

I can hear everything my staff says — should I pretend I don’t?

3. I’m panicking in my new job

I’m a marketer with 13+ years experience in my field. Throughout my career, I’ve established a reputation for having a strong work ethic, being an expert in my role, and being a smart, dependable teammate. I was at my most recent role for four years, and in the beginning it was great. I even received a departmental award for my work. About midway through my tenure there, I got a new boss who, after a few months, made my working environment really toxic. (She constantly switched up expectations and goals, had me constantly reexplain very basic parts of the job more than a year in, and would accuse me of doing things I never did.) Fast forward to just before Christmas this past year, I got fired for a situation that was largely out of my control.

I threw myself into the job search and was lucky enough to start a new role after two months of unemployment. It’s a fully remote job in the same field (marketing) but in a wildly different industry. It’s been 2.5 weeks and I feel completely overwhelmed. Everyone has been nice and said it’ll take a while to catch up and to reach out with any questions but I can’t get a read on my boss. She’s clearly very good at her job, but is also very busy, so there hasn’t been a ton of onboarding. I’m terrified of not meeting expectations or catching up quickly enough and being fired again.

Is this a normal feeling for any new job, or is this a reflection of my fit with this company? Also, is it bad if, at the six-month mark, I start job searching again if I still feel the same way I do today?

It’s a very normal feeling. If you’re still feeling this way in six months — or better yet, eight — then sure, start looking around, but two and a half weeks is nothing and it’s really common to be feeling this way, even for a job you will master in time.

It might help to think about specifically what’s making you feel unmoored. Can you make a list of questions that you’d feel more settled/secure if you knew the answers to? Are there people with similar roles who you can ask to coffee, say you’re feeling overwhelmed, and ask for help setting in? Also, if she hasn’t already covered this, try asking your boss what she’d like to see you accomplish in one month, three months, and six months, since knowing that might help you get your bearings. Last, is there one project you can pick to dive into, asking questions of colleagues as you go? Picking just one project when you’re overwhelmed in a new position can sometimes be a good way into the job and to learn as you go.

4. Questions to ask when interviewing for my own job

I have been doing my role on a temporary basis for 2.5 years. Soon I have to interview for it on a permanent basis. What kind of question can I ask which won’t sound like I don’t understand the role or the organization?

You can ask about what goals they have for the role over the next year (or next few years) and if there’s anything they want to see the person in the job approach differently than has been historically done. If there are known challenges or changes on the horizon (or ongoing), you can ask about how those will affect the job. Plus, think about anything else that might be on your mind — are there things you wish you knew about their vision for the role/strategy/etc.? If so, think about whether you can shape those into useful questions.

Related:
how to prepare for an internal interview

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