bad vibes from my new boss, I got in trouble for sending mail with upside down stamps, and more

[ResidentialBusiness]

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. I get bad vibes from my new boss

A new director recently joined my department, and I’ve had an immediate bad feeling about her. I’m not typically quick to judge, and I recognize that she reminds me — at least in some ways — of a family member who is a bit of a narcissist. I want to stay professional and give her a fair chance, but I also don’t want to ignore my instincts if they’re picking up on real red flags.

I’ve just been having a gut feeling and maybe, unfairly to her, I am reacting to speech patterns and mannerisms that remind me of my relative. I don’t think I’m imagining all of it though. For example, despite us having met several times in person, she has made no effort to introduce herself to me or ask any questions about me or my role. I suppose I could have taken more initiative myself to engage, but since she is the leader of our team, it feels like initial outreach is her responsibility. I have a fair amount of influence and seniority at my company, but that is not obvious to new people, and to me it feels like she is ignoring or snubbing people who she perceives as having less power. There is probably a more generous way for me to look at this complaint (e.g., bosses can be introverts too) but something just feels off.

How can I balance professionalism with due diligence in assessing this situation? And how do I determine whether my concerns are valid or just baggage from my past experience? I don’t want to accidentally start a whisper campaign over something as subjective as bad vibes.

Keep your eyes open, but until you have actual signs that there are real problems, treat her exactly the way you would if she weren’t setting off your alarm bells.

It’s very possible that you’re reacting to baggage from a family member. It’s also possible that you’re not, and instead your gut is picking up on something real. But until you know for sure, there’s no action to take! After all, if you decided to just blindly trust your gut, what would that look like? You definitely shouldn’t go around sharing your concerns with other people (which I’m assuming is what “accidentally start a whisper campaign” refers to) when she hasn’t done anything! And if you let your gut affect the way you interacting with her, there’s a very high chance of making the relationship worse than it otherwise would be — like not taking any initiative to engage with her even though taking that initiative could help you professionally. (We can argue over whether that should be her responsibility, but the fact is she hasn’t done it herself — so the more relevant question is whether it’s in your best interests to initiate some contact yourself, and in many cases it would be.)

You asked about how to balance professionalism with due diligence in assessing the situation, and the answer to that is easy: professionalism wins out, because it’s in your own interests to remain professional. As for due diligence, that just means being willing to give the situation time. At some point, once enough time has gone by, you’ll have learned more about who she is and how she operates, and you’ll know whether your concerns are valid or not. But you won’t know that from day one, just like you wouldn’t know it about someone who wasn’t setting off alarms for you either.

2. I got in trouble for sending mail with upside down flag stamps

I’m an admin who processes our outgoing mail. We buy rolls of stamps that over the last couple of years have had a three-flag design. For whatever reason, my brain has trouble with orienting them — I often place them on the mail upside down. (You can see here that they have even been posed for purchase upside down.) It’s not intentional, it’s not a political statement on my part, it just happens when I’m peeling them off and working in a hurry. My supervisor, however, has gotten very upset about it several times. I’ve tried to do better, but he wrote me up today for “making political statements in the company’s name with company materials” when he saw one I accidentally placed upside down.

I want to speak to his boss about this to explain and ask if this can be removed from my file. Do you have any suggestions? My coworker suggested I go to the optometrist and get some kind of note but that seems like overkill.

Yes, a note from the optometrist would be overkill. (What would it even say?)

Your boss isn’t wrong to tell you that you need to place the stamps right-side up. I know it seems like a small thing that might not matter, but because the upside down flag is a symbol of distress, there is a movement around placing flag stamps upside down to make a political statement. It’s reasonable that your boss doesn’t want company mail going out with what could look like a political statement on it, whether or not you intended that way. Or just looking sloppy, for that matter — it might not be something you personally would notice or care about, but other people do and some will read it as less polished.

You can certainly try explaining that this was a mistake, not an intentional act, and asking that the write-up be removed or at least if you can add a response to the write-up explaining it was a mistake. But your boss isn’t wrong to be concerned that it’s continued to happen after he’s told you to stop — whether you intended it or not, you’re still sending out mail with what looks like a political statement on it, and you say it’s happening often — and so you do need to figure out a system for making sure it doesn’t keep happening. (Can you lay them out correctly oriented before you start applying them?)

3. Using inappropriate passwords when someone else might see them

I work for a large organization as the LMS manager. Someone recently reached out to me because they forgot their password. When I looked it up, I was surprised with the word they chose. I’m not offended but I felt that it was inappropriate for a workplace (mild swear but not offensive — “asshat”). I let them know they need to change it to a more workplace-appropriate word, reset the password back to the default, and they changed their password right back to the inappropriate one. (Makes me wonder how they could forget that!)

I know passwords are to be private but if you forget it and have to ask for it, I do see them. Is using swear words in password okay for work? Should I not have said anything and just laughed it off?

Well, first, in a secure password system, no one should be seeing anyone else’s passwords, even IT.

But in a system where someone else can see the passwords and might need to retrieve one for someone, it’s pretty bad professional judgment to use a swear word (mild and ridiculous as “asshat” is; it’s really on the far fringes of what qualifies as a swear word, but we don’t have a good name for the work-inappropriate category it is in). It’s even worse judgment to refuse to change it after being directly told to.

It’s not something I’d bother pursuing any further (unless you’re the person’s manager and there’s a pattern of bad judgment, in which case it’s the pattern that would matter more anyway), but I’d certainly think of them as someone with questionable judgment after this.

4. How to say thanks to a senior leader doing a great job in a terrible time

I’m in an industry that’s been very hard hit by the insanity around the executive orders. The actual policy changes and funding cuts, combined with the sheer chaos, volume of new directives, and inconsistency around what’s going on have been brutal. Everyone at my organization has been working around the clock for weeks to try to figure out how to navigate the next meteor that has come crashing through from the government.

With a few exceptions, people inside the organization have been amazing about this. We’re exhausted and confused, but people are pulling together and trying to problem solve as much as we can. We have a couple of senior leaders that I don’t work with regularly, but I’ve spent a ton of time with recently. One in particular has been nothing short of heroic. He’s been kind, patient, always available, expert, and fundamentally decent in every single interaction I’ve seen. He manages to combine a strong leadership steer with an ethical grounding and a recognition for the humans he’s working with that is not easy to figure out in the current nightmare. I cannot imagine how he’s doing it, and I shudder to think where we would be if he weren’t here. Is there any way that it would be appropriate to thank him for this? I know gifts are supposed to flow downward in the workplace, but this is so far above and beyond that I’d love to give some token of thanks for what he is doing. Any recommendations? A bottle of his favorite drink? A gift card to a meal out? Something else?

I’m a broken record about this but: a personal note telling them everything you said above. That will have more far more meaning, and probably be kept and cherished far longer, than any physical gift you could give him.

5. My company is violating the state law on paid sick time

Our office is in California and has three full-time employees. We’re paid by the hour, at the end of the month. In 2024, we were only allowed 24 sick hours and now this year as well. If we’ll need more than 24 hours, we must use vacation time or log zero hours. I’ve told the owner in mid-2023 and again in December 2023 that when we received the employment law posters employers are required to display, they clearly showed that as of January 2024, California employers must provide 40 hours of paid sick leave per year. I’ve also called our payroll company and asked them about this, and they stated our employer is not in compliance. They called and spoke to the owner’s daughter, who reports our monthly hours, yet nothing changed. What do we do about this? My two coworkers will not deal with this and are afraid to rock the boat.

File a report with the California department of labor. California happens to be a state that is very assertive about enforcing compliance with its employment laws, and they’ll handle it from there.

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