are these men hitting on me, or legitimate business contacts?

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager.

A reader writes:

In the past year or two, quite a few people (typically middle-aged men) have been reaching out to me via LinkedIn (I am a 20-something woman) trying to recruit me. While I do have a lot of experience, I’m wondering if it’s odd that some of these professionals are reaching out to me, as I am under the impression it should be the other way around. They are the ones with the experience and connections while I’m the one building my network. My settings are set to the “not seeking a job” setting, and it’s clear on my profile that I am currently employed, and yet I still receive these fairly regular messages.

After connecting with them, they often message me with professional questions, like what I’m studying or what my career goals are, that turn into where I live, how old I am, what I like to do for fun, etc. While none have them have been outright creepy, many are definitely heading in that direction and my spider senses tell me to shut it down before it gets too far.

I tend to respond to the messages I get because they often ask about my interest in a potential job or industry and I don’t want to turn down a future opportunity. But how can I tell when someone is generally interested in my experience or just in the fact that I am young and a woman? This is a problem many of my friends have also experienced, too.

I answer this question over at Inc. today, where I’m revisiting letters that have been buried in the archives here from years ago (and sometimes updating/expanding my answers to them). You can read it here.

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